User:Another n00b/BENSON
Benson has decided that Benson's pure greatness cannot be contained on a puny "userpage". Furthermore anyone who edits this page besides Benson himself shall be cursed with the curse of Benson... a fine curse indeed.
Summary[edit | edit source]
“Holy crap he's cool! I hope I can grow up to be just like him.”
“NEVER! THERE IS ONLY ONE BENSON!”
BENSON was a fairly humorous poster, who started out in early 2005. He originally posted his own comedy sketches to various popular BBSes or the occasional IRC channel or *chan board, often in ALL CAPS. However, when he first migrated to the .HOLONET hierachy in November 2005, his life changed forever. He posted several topics called "BENSON IS BETTER THAN YOU", which gained over 41,000 replies practically overnight. He started to regularly post about himself and what he thought about current affairs and the media and politics.
He started to become more and more famous, eventually reaching meme status in March 2006. These posts would often be also quotable, and re-posted on other different sites and would often become viral. On 4th June, 2006, BENSON was talking with fans on i.film.com and one poster added a hyperlink to "http://www.uncyclopedia.org/w/Main", and BENSON instantly fell in love with the site. Then, on 6th June, 2006, in a post he stated half-way through "The other day I was checking out different websites, and I found and really loved this one place called uncyclopedia.org. I might make future posts there from now on." And from this tiny seed, the whole of uncyclopedia.org (and reddit and many-other copycat sites) sprang. So basically, BENSON was an internet celebrity who quickly became a meme and accidentally created all of the modern internet.
Description[edit | edit source]
Name: Benson ( ALWAYS IN CAPS OTI )
Age: 28
Height: 100' tall
Weight: 1 pound (BENSON works out)
Political Views: Capitalism
Relations: Just his 28 wives and girlfriends... and Pa and Ma BENSON... and Nana.
Pet: Pond Whale: Coco (may he rest in pieces)
Facial Hair: Two beards in one! What a discount!
Skin: Invisible Metal
Planet: From the vile land of Wikipedia
Views on Fawwaz: All negative
Claims on Creation: YOU ALL CAME FROM BENSON'S COUCH!
People Who Messed With BENSON... And Lived To Regret It[edit | edit source]
- Fake Benson ( "BENS0N" ) ( Is actually a former UN administrator called Pants_MacKenzie, was hated because of it, but things are OK now. )
- Another Fake Benson ( BeNsOn )
- Yet another fake Benson ( BENSON! )
- Col. Swordman
- D.G. Neree
People Who Have Messed With BENSON... and BENSON can't do anything about it[edit | edit source]
- AE
- Splaka
- Famine
- Codeine
- Keitei
- Demonica BENSON (The pseudonym of a writer at Encyclopedia Demonica)
- Wikipedia BBS user BENSON (registered this handle on 22nd November, 2004. Unfortunate coincidence....)
- Meganew
- Metalface
People Who have Messed With BENSON... And BENSON is plotting his revenge[edit | edit source]
- Major Sir Zombiebaron - A similar meme-person. He doesn't like the fact that he has similar popularity to him now, plus he has admin powers.
- Rataube - Called him a fag during a PM conversation on #uncyclopedia, clearly as a joke, but BENSON didn't get it.
- MoneySign - Was the first person to ban him from Uncyclopedia.org. Was also generally resistant from Uncyclopedia's unintentional popularity, and STILL in 2023 he wants it back in the old days.
- Fawwaz - Just acted like a dick towards him, had anti-Benson motives.
BENS0N[edit | edit source]
BENS0N is the most famous and hated of the many Benson-clones. This account was created on July 7th, 2006 and imitated Benson's bad habits, always acting like BENSON at his most dickish times. He was all arrogant and hatefull this clone Benson, seemingly intentionally. Luckily, it only took until July 9th, 2006 for the Bensonites to realise this wasn't the true benson due to the "0" replacing the "O" in his username. There was a big hunt for any dox or alternative usernames for this fake Benson, but sadly nothing surfaced so instead on August 10th, 2006 he was just PermaB& instead in FFS, and was IP-blocked, but strangley the IP block was immidietly lifted by another administrator, which raised suspicions. It was until almost a full year later in July 2007 did the Uncyclopedia.org XFag former-admin Pants_MacKenzie ( Powerword: Pants MacKenzie ) admitted to trying to get rid of BENSON from UN so the site wouldn't constantly be swarmed, but his efforts where futile at best.
Shortly afterwards, when the real BENSON returned again in April 2009, he disgraced the user and exiled Pants_MacKenzie permenantly from UN. The user Asema gave out the ultimate perma-block which only Moot and Uberfuzzy has topped: Username, IP and the range within 30 metres of his computer blocked from the main site, all forum boards, all IRC channels, blocked from sending e-mail, autoblock disabled, account creation blocked, IP-reset auto-blocked by the range block, and every single type of IP-blocking tools including the Infamous PoIsOn, and an agreement was made with his ISP ( TalkTalk ) to not allow him to even access the site, let alone edit it. This was lifted after 2 Months and 12 days, and an apology email was sent, and the IP was informed to disregard the message. But Pants_Mackenzie was so mad that they would do that to him "after all he'd done for them", that he refused to come back. He did for one day though, on May 16th 2011, though that was only to see how the site was getting on. After that, he was never seen OTI again.
People Who Think They Have Messed With BENSON, But BENSON couldn't give two fucks about them.[edit | edit source]
- Trar
- neftalem
- Dawg - ( he did it twice! )
- Capercorn
- CrazyJay - he figured if he were to put his name anywhere else, it'd just end up here, so he saved BENSON the trouble and put himself right here. (wasn't that nice of him?)
- Hippie13 He has a friend named Benson, so he messes with him all the time...
- Tayor ( she just doesn't like the name Benson. )
- Halsoft ( Anomynous user ) "I just want to pretend that I made fun of Benson... please don't kill me".
The return of BENSON[edit | edit source]
On 2 April 2009, BENSON had finally made an un-expected return to Uncyclopedia.org, and there where world-wide celebrations to mark the occasion. Some people had called it "The second coming", and BENSON hasn't contributed too much as of Octodest 25, 2023. He is still commonly seen on #Uncyclopedia and the occasional post on UN fairly often, if not exactly a common sight. Here is the post BENSON made on 2 April, 2009:
|
Alright guys I know what you're thinking. "Oh no, here's Benson, out to be a dick again". Well sorry to disappoint you ASSHOLE but this time is different. Except maybe being a bit of a dick again. As you may know from noticing my absence or by following my blog (www.blogspace.com/BETTERTHANYOU), I haven't been around here in a while. The truth is, Benson has spent the last few years discovering himself. You can read about it in my new autobiography Better Than You: THE BENSON STORY, although the uncreative title pretty much gives it all away. In my time hitchhiking through Europe with nothing but the clothes on my back, and also the pelts of hookers I killed on my back, I made some realizations about life, and about the ways I used to act. Yes, I was an obnoxious asshole. Do I regret it? No, it made me famous, and as anyone knows from watching episodes of Hannah Montana, fame IS all it's cracked up to be. Am I sorry about it? Again, no. If there's anything that Donald Trump, Sarah Palin, and Squiggle have taught me, it's that it's okay to be a pompous asshole all the time. Then what am I rambling on about anyways? I don't know. I'm waiting for my friend and I don't have class for another hour. But I guess what I'm getting at is, thank you for putting up with me for that year. I know I pissed a lot of you off, rightfully so, and somehow I didn't get permabanned (well technically twice, but I'm too good for that shit), which means you guys saw that glimmer of hope in my eyes, and decided to give this poor sumbitch a second chance. And for that, I am eternally grateful. What's next for Benson? I've finally finished construction on my rocket, and I'll be going back to my home planet forever, never to disturb Earth again. Good bye, everyone, and remember this majestic quote, my last words uttered to you before I make my triumphant exit: "Hang on to your dreams, and even if you miss, you'll discover a world of magic and adventure" - Mark Twain |
The BENSON BBS[edit | edit source]
In April 2007, after leaving UN, he had decided that he needed his OWN site devoted to himself. He set up a Bulletin Board System ( Very similar to the pre-WorldWideWeb ones ) and it quickly became the average Bensonite's board of choice for disscussing everything about BENSON.
This meant that Uncyclopedia.org was no-longer the world's #1 site for everything about BENSON, but the site kept up in popularity, meaning it slowly turned into the popular news site it is now. This marked the end of what has been called "The BENSON era" on uncyclopedia.org, which lasted from June-December 2006.
This was when the site would often get mass-flooded by Bensonites everywhere as they logged onto the site to read BENSON's latest posts. This would often result in un-intentional DDoS attacks, and the admins would get really pissed off and temporarily ban every-one. The original admins who run the site because they where actual workers at the encyclopedia's writing studios left during this time, and gave admin powers to community members who stayed for more than two weeks and where even barely literate. This was often considered the bravest time for Uncyclopedia.org, as it soon became a mainstream-hit sensation because of it's daring leap to try and appeal to Joe Public.
Well anyway, the BENSON BBS is exactly what you think it is. The main sysop is BENSON, and the other sysops are BENSON's most close and personal OTI and IRL friends. The site is still very popular with the Bensonites, and if you really want a feel of "the BENSON era" on Uncyclopedia.org, then you will get a similar sort of feel here. Though the BENSON BBS is nothing special, it will never spark what BENSON did to uncyclopedia.org, and how it changed the way the WorldWideWeb would function forever.
Typical post by BENSON[edit | edit source]
BENSON IS BETTER THAN BENSON! GET OFF OF THIS CRAPPY BENSON AND VISIT BENSON AT BENSON!
BENSON'S FOR BEDS IS BETTER THAN POO!
BENSON AND HEDGES IS BETTER THAN THE LOO!
BENSON WANTS TO SODOMIZE YOUR DOG!
BENSON IS CAPABLE OF PERFORMING AUTO FELLATIO ON HIS '87 BUICK!
BENSON WAS ONCE INVOLVED IN A SCHEME FOR WORLD DOMINANCE INVOLVING MANY THINGS, BUT DEFINITELY NOT OPRAH WINFREY, AND THE PLAN INVOLVED SHOOTING FLYING SQUIRRELS INTO TREES SO THAT THE CHEESE MONKEYS WOULD FALL OUT AND GIVE LOTS OF EUROIPODS TO THE POOR AND NEEDY. THESE NEWLY-SWAYED BENSON SUPPORTERS WOULD THEN RISE UP AGAINST THE FORMAL HIERARCHY AND THEN THERE WOULD BE UBER LEET PWNAGE.
Benson's 4-D House Of Pancakes[edit | edit source]
Main Article: Benson's 4-D House Of Pancakes
Benson's 4-D House of Pancakes (not to be confused with BENSON'S 3-D HOUSE OF PANCAKES) is a hypothetical structure that in modern physics serves as a model for the so-called "universal theorem" that unifies the 4 basic forces and explains time, space, and reality as we know it.
The 4-D BHOP was first proposed in 1999 by renowned astrophysicist Stephen Hawking, and scientists generally agree that it is by far the best model for explaining the known universe. The House is a physical building that serves pancakes, and exists perpetually through all of time on the space-time continuum.
Benson's 4-D House of Pancakes features dishes so delicious, that a mortal human tasting any one of them would immediately die from pleasure and go to heaven. This is because each item is a symbolic and physical manifestation of all positive feelings that can be experienced by people. For instance, the blueberry pancakes are the essence of compassion, while the strawberry ones are pure love. There are non-pancake items on the menu as well, representing more abstract ideas. The half-priced bucket of fried chicken for example, imparts wisdom, and the grilled cheese sandwich is a manifestation of creativity. Prices can be unpredictable, depending on what year in the timeline one happens to enter the 4-D House. Visitors are encouraged to take advantage of discount Sunday brunches. Each meal is personally prepared by Benson in all his glory.
The league of BENSON[edit | edit source]
This is a League of puny weakling monkeys who understand that Benson is better than them, and wish to help him (although BENSON doesn't need help, per se). Here are the members:
- RPBnimrod
- Surreal Hamster
- Tompkins
- Hrodulf
- OsirisX
- Rcmurphy
- Spang
- ENeGMA
- MoogleEXE
- Bradaphraser
- Imrealized
- Vosnul
- Witt E,
- Hobelhouse
- Oddbod
- ThatGuy
- Czar Yah
- Sliferjam
- Electrified mocha chinchilla
- Crazyswordsman
- Insineratehymn
- Anyone
- Todd Lyons
- Mowgli
- Swordmaster
- Jedravent
- Einstein 145
- Absurdism
- Symuun
- TheOminousMan
- Zerotrousers
- Gustav, who is now SysRq ( Who is, in actuallity, Gustavo Chapman 3rd of Normandy )
- High General Grue
- Wehpudicabok
- AAA!
- Alexjohnc3
- The Humbled Master
- Mb240d
- Uncyclopedian
- Savethemooses
- Citation Needed
People alligned with BENSON but are too smart to join the League[edit | edit source]
- Lord Fluffy ( Full username: Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens )
- Gert5
- Thekillerfroggy
- Capercorn
- TheLedBalloon
- MrMetalFLower
- Elassint
- BurekSP
People in the Minor League of Benson :)[edit | edit source]
The Minor League is mainly for children of League members. Once they're old enough, Minor Leaguers are promoted to the big boy League!
- Ikke - Current Leader
- ThISMaine
TRAITORS TO THE LEAGUE OF BENSON[edit | edit source]
- Rataube
- Codeine
- Sikon
Benson and Jack in JS[edit | edit source]
Benson in The System is Down[edit | edit source]
Benson featured in the JS series 3 episode The System is Down, where he and Sky meet the vice-president, who is soon to be elected in president by the highest vote count of all time. Benson was met and congratulated by the president for being one of the most famous and #1 most viewed vlogger of all time, whilst Sky was because of her world-record of winning over 93 world champion ships in a row in horse-riding. However, both of them and Jack help save the president from assassination over 4 different times. They also fight a political battle and prevent communism from taking over the world.