Slipping My Pickle In

“Why does this sound so erotic?”

~ Oscar Wilde

I only have a few hours left to insert my pickle into the competition. I therefore must come up with a viable idea for an outstanding article in the next few minutes in order to win.

MY PICKLE PLAN

Ideas:

Something pornographic Too risky

Something in French Can't speak French

Something well thought out and hilarious A nice thought

Dinosaurs? YES

A story all about how my life got flip-turned upside down Probably not a good idea

Steal other people's entries and change all the names to Jon Didn't work last time

Something really oldschool and absurd Naw

Translate The Da Vinci Code into Klingon and swap all the O's for I's Tempting, but I don't have enough time, dammit!

Some generic story BINGO

Characters

Lexi Sexhole, a gun-toting stripper with boobs for a face Inappropriate my arse.

Seargent Sillybollocks, a lovable African desbot Why did no one like this?

Paedo Pete I thought every story needed a friendly paedophile. Seppy thought not.

Max HeroMuscle, a painfully cliched protagonist

Helpless Damsel, because no story is complete without overt gender stereotyping

Dimitri 'Predictably evil' Kozlovich, our Russian heavily scarred one-eyed mustache sporting villain

Faceless extras, for space filling and cool fight scenes

Rex, Max's trusty dinosaur

PLOT

Max HeroMuscle is just your average everyday office worker with a body that looks like it was carved out of marble by very stylish angels and an unexplainable lust for rescuing people and vanquishing evil. One day whilst at the office, his long time crush Helpless Damsel is stolen for no good reason by the dastardly Russian ex-military turned treacherous mastermind, Dimitri Kozlovich. Max battles the armies of a Pharaoh GodKing resurrected by Dimitri in order to gain access to Poland, where they engage in a spectacular high budget showdown culminating in the vanquishing of Dimitri and the rescuing of Helpless Damsel. Max then plants an american flag onto the top of a mountain they are on for some reason and gets with the girl whilst Rex, his dinosaur, cracks witty one-liners for comic relief. Also showing in 3D.

Running out of time...

This cannot fail.

REVENGE OF THE SITH

By HelloolleH

"I am just so musclebound and cool" said Max as he had sex with 18 females.

"Yes you are" said one as they had the sex.

This was Just an ordinary day in the life of Max HeroMuscle, who was just an office worker from America. Then all of a sudden Helpless Damsel was stolen!

"Oh no!" He said and Dimitri laughed and ran off. With the girl.

"I shall get you for this you evil genius"! He said and gave chase and then he fought off the armies of the GodKing Pharaoh who had been resurrected and then he was in Poland.

"I have found you!" He said and Dimitri said "Yes you have".

They began to battle and Max was winning but then Dimitri used his laser vision but he missed and hit Rex the dinosaur and this made Max angry and he used his strength to throw Dimitri off of the cliff.

"No you threw me off the cliff" He said as he was dead.

"Thank you for rescuing me" she said and he put a flag in the mountain and Rex was dead and they kissed.

The End?

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