Forum:The Illogic Pickle 4.1

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Gather in the church hall at 1PM Sunday for a presentation involving tea and biscuits for cheese.

Illogicopedia's prestige writing competition, The Illogic Pickle, has returned at long last, having been lost down the back of the sofa for more than two years. Instead of flogging the thing on eBay, we decided to give you, the Illogicopedia users, a chance to win it once more!

As usual, the Pickle will be awarding in two categories:

  • Best Straight Article. The most accomplished rambling for which the prize is a pickle in a jar. Runners up will receive a slice of toast with the face of Bcbkye.
  • Best Randumb Article. For articles that don't exactly fit into the category of 'normal', the most random-tastic of which receives the inflatable hammer. Runners up shall win a copy of How to Edit Illogicopedia on VHS.

You do not have to indicate which category you are submitting your article to; the judges are not (all) complete blooming idiots.

Ms. Higginbotham-Smythe, the envelope, please...

A.K.A. the blasted results.

Ze Pickle

Diary of a Madman by The Bard

Runner up:
Slipping My Pickle In by HelloolleH

The Inflatable Hammer

Zimizmizm by Gruntled

Runner up:
An announcement for all you old fogies by Island Monkey

Honourable Mentions

Not really the article title A.K.A Uncle Bimbo (Readmesoon)
A murder of cows (Athyria)
Refrigerator soup (Simsilikesims)

Judges' notes

Not the actual Pickle, simply *a* pickle. And a pretty big one at that.

For a competition disrupted by chronic downtime and lack of an active userbase, ten entries was a decent turnout this time round. Following precedent set by the previous Pickle, we judged the articles in terms of inventiveness, aesthetic merit and of course humour (A.K.A humor). All entries had their positive points, but we felt the winners stood out as those into which the most care and attention had been invested... for the most part, anyway. The ones that didn't receive a 'prize' weren't necessarily any worse, certainly not in terms of concept, and with further work may possibly be worthy of feature. So don't lose heart (nobody really won a physical prize, remember), and get on down to VFF to vote on your favourites.

Overall, every article was a winner. Except the ones that weren't. -- Hindleyak  Converse?blogClick here! 11:36, 6 Ergust 2011 (UTC)

Your judges

If you didn't win, remember to mail them a severed hand or something. Just make sure not to leave any traces of your own DNA.

Past Pickles

The Illogic Pickle Contests

Pickle 1.1 (Jum 07)  •  Pickle 1.2 (Nov 07)
Pickle 2.1 (Arc 08)  •  Pickle 2.2 (Jum 08)
Pickle 3.1 (Aym 2009)
Pickle 4.1 (Jum 2011)


Rules and such

  • Your pickle cannot have been in existence before 15 Yoon 2011.
  • You have until 00.00, 22 Jumbly 2011 (UTC) New deadline: 00.00, 29 Jumbly 2011 (UTC) to come up with the best, most world-shatteringly awesome article you could ever write. On that date, the entries page will be locked down and the judging shall begin. Use the template {{Pickle}} to mark the article so people know you intend to enter.
  • Only you may contribute to the article. Anyone caught editing another entrant's article shall have their milk monitor privileges removed forthwith.
  • You may only submit one article. Editors are permitted to make whatever changes they like, including the article itself, providing it is done before the deadline. Should you wish to withdraw your article for whatever reason, use strikethrough tags (<s>Text</s>) to indicate this. You may replace your entry with a new one any time before the final deadline.
  • Create your page in your userspace. For example: User:Randomdude/My Dumb Article, if your username is Randomdude. Which it isn't, so don't fix that redlink, otherwise wiki-wide milk monitor privileges shall be cancelled completely.
  • The judges' decision is final. Send bribes to Silent Penguin, c/o Someone, Somewhere and your brain medication to Harry Yack esq.

What's in it for me?

The Pickle is a chance to get your article read by prominent members of the Illogicopedia community, rendering the usual apathy less potent.

But, but, there are so many good writers. I will never win!

Don't worry, winning isn't everything. Besides, your article will still have a chance to be featured via VFF. After the competition, admins will be putting the best articles to the public vote and, with a bit of luck, your entry might still appear on the front page.


Article Author Comments
Zimizmizm Not very disGruntled - Exchange ideas 18:27, 27 Yoon 2011 (UTC) This waste of bits is the final incarnation of my entry in this contest. In any case, I thought the apes couldn't make toys with their crinkled hands?!?
Uncle Bimbo rms talk 18:50, 21 Yoon 2011 (UTC) I am writing a massive steaming pile of oatmeal known as Uncle Bimbo. Feel free to vomit at my prose and other nonsense.
The Polish Mafia Ben Blade No where near finished yet, and may be pulled out if I Can't be arsed to finish it.
clue Oh hello therrr. Cluck here for more awesome, more or less. It's still a work in progress. Kinda. Nearing completion. It was quite easy to write.
A murder of cows ~ Pointy.png I'll actually write it if I ever get some inspiration.
An announcement for all you old fogies Monkey-butler.jpg Sincerely, islandmonkey - go speak Spam! Ughhhh!!!
The Video Game Wars Colonel Sanders 02:17, 20 Jumbly 2011 (UTC) Some crap I grunted out
Refrigerator soup simsilikesims 09:52, 22 Jumbly 2011 (UTC) This is why I don't cook....much.
Diary of a Madman ~ The Bard of Illogicopedia TinyQuill.gif 12:07, 22 Jumbly 2011 (UTC) I like yaks. Friendly ones that don't bite me.
teh Ultimate Admin ~[thehappyspaceman] Dan the Hedgehog aka Kahless the UnforgettableThe Happy infodiscussioncontributions 03:27, 07/26/2011 Cheap attempt, really... but srsly, don't mess with teh Ultimate Admin.
Slipping My Pickle In --Plant2.png Jonsig.png 16:46, 29 Jumbly 2011 (UTC) This was slightly rushed but I don't think it shows too much.


It's about bloody time. —rms talk 11:28, 21 Yoon 2011 (UTC)

Nearly thought the deadline was today... --Silent Penguin 16:24, 22 Yoon 2011 (UTC)


Since the latest Roberto incident wiped out almost a week of editing time, would it be appropriate to add a few days to the deadline date? -- Hindleyak  Converse?blogClick here! 10:29, 12 Jumbly 2011 (UTC)

Last chance for objections, otherwise I'm gonna extend the deadline to 29 Jumbly. -- Hindleyak  Converse?blogClick here! 10:58, 18 Jumbly 2011 (UTC)
Please do, especially as the site's still bloody sluggish. ~ Pointy.png *shifty eyes* (talk) • (stalk) 19:53, 18 Jumbly 2011
It probably slowed because I left for two weeks, pfft. —rms talk 01:55, 19 Jumbly 2011 (UTC)


Am I just blind or does the page not tell us who will be judging this shindig? —rms talk 17:04, 28 Jumbly 2011 (UTC)

You are blind. --Silent Penguin 12:21, 30 Jumbly 2011 (UTC)

Aww Man

Can I enter Algorithm even though The Bard added like less than seven words? --Skate1168 (Talk) 19:52, 28 Jumbly 2011 (UTC)

Nay. You have to make your own article, in your own userspace. Quick, you still have a couple hours! —rms talk 22:44, 28 Jumbly 2011 (UTC)
I'm not sure if I can. Algorithm is my best article yet, and I need an idea.
Can you throw me an idea XD --Skate1168 (Talk) 23:05, 28 Jumbly 2011 (UTC)
My Collection of Living, Breathing Candles—-a vague description of five individual living candles, their daily activities, and repeated homicide charges; Bear barn blast battle—Rather self explanatory, but make sure to throw in something about little green hobbit people; Rubber band theory—If you're at all familiar with the string theory, this is an jiggly play on it. Everything is 10x more elastic in the universe. —rms talk 23:13, 28 Jumbly 2011 (UTC)
Wow, thanks! I'll think I'll write all of these, but one for teh pickle for now... --Skate1168 (Talk) 00:38, 29 Jumbly 2011 (UTC)

Oh well...

I am out of time. I will still write those articles. When's the next pickle? --Skate1168 (Talk) 00:40, 29 Jumbly 2011 (UTC)

They used to be held twice a year, and it would be great if we could get back to that. I'd like to see another one in November. --The Bard of Illogicopedia TinyQuill.gif 00:54, 29 Jumbly 2011 (UTC)
Agreed. --Skate1168 (Talk) 02:21, 29 Jumbly 2011 (UTC)


Do I have until tonight at 0:00? --Skate1168 (Talk) 01:28, 30 Jumbly 2011 (UTC)

No, the contest closed at 00:00 UTC time, or about 1 hour and 30 minutes ago. See ~ The Bard of Illogicopedia TinyQuill.gif 01:32, 30 Jumbly 2011 (UTC)
:( Dang UTC time. I guess I'll wait... --Skate1168 (Talk) 01:40, 30 Jumbly 2011 (UTC)

Strangled Chicken

Is the Strangled Chicken being awarded this year? With his last-minute entry, I suspect that HelloolleH is vying to retain his title from 3.1, although his entry is much too good this time. ~ The Bard of Illogicopedia TinyQuill.gif 15:20, 2 Ergust 2011 (UTC)

Strangled chicken, strangled schmicken.
(That means yes.) —rms talk 17:52, 2 Ergust 2011 (UTC)
Damn, if I'd known about that thing, I'd have put even less effort into mine than I did. Somehow. ~ Pointy.png 18:55, 2 Ergust 2011
I put as little effort into my entry as possible.
Really. I had a pre-made machine placed into my room, and the only effort I had to put into it was pushing the big blue button on it, which was the auto-write button. Made the whole article for me. Minimal effort. —rms talk 19:14, 2 Ergust 2011 (UTC)
Getting/assembling/whatever the machine probably took effort, though. ~ Pointy.png 04:37, 3 Ergust 2011
"Pre-made". It was delivered automatically. I thought about it, and it was delivered. There's some effort. —rms talk 04:49, 3 Ergust 2011 (UTC)
Thinking takes considerable effort, in fact. It's like trying to move a walrus with a spoon. At least, that's my experience. Having thought about that to bring up the memory, I must now rest my spoon, though. Oof. ~ Pointy.png 05:39, 3 Ergust 2011
I once thought of a bucket fool of spoons, but that bucket was resting on a spoon in a an even larger bucket full of spoons. I sweated out two liters of water that day. —rms talk 05:45, 3 Ergust 2011 (UTC)
Into which bucket? ~ Pointy.png 19:18, 4 Ergust 2011
Oh, I don't know. I was too busy paying attention to other things. —rms talk 23:35, 4 Ergust 2011 (UTC)

Uncle Bimbo

A couple of people have expressed their surprise at how low Uncle Bimbo ranked. So, let me give my take on why. It was a great, consistant article, and we did enjoy reading it. The problem came down to the categories, and in each category, other more directed articles sadly beat it to the post. Thats to say, Honourable mentions aren't necessarily any worse than the articles that won each category, it's just that we couldn't fit them anywhere specific. Maybe we need to address this with something like a "Best in show" or "somewhere in-between" category next time. What do you think? --Silent Penguin 13:04, 6 Ergust 2011 (UTC)

Bimbo could have easily got a runner-up prize, I think, but consensus was that HelloolleH's was marginally more daring, and yet *not* at the same time. It got us thinking, anyway. Was a very close call, but if it's any consolation, I see Uncle Bimbo as more of a front page feature than Slipping My Pickle In. The Pickle winners don't usually get an automatic front page place, remember, and with more of an emphasis on generating --for want of a better word-- featurable content, it's not necessarily a bad thing that it ranked lower. As a (UK-centric) real life example, the most entertaining Premier League football team last year were Arsenal, but they only finished fourth in the league and won no silverware whatsoever. However, I know I'd prefer to watch them over Man United any day. -- Hindleyak  Converse?blogClick here! 13:24, 6 Ergust 2011 (UTC)
Sporting.--Silent Penguin 11:39, 7 Ergust 2011 (UTC)
Now Seppy. You're not being very understanding. Try to see it from his perspective: 23 stars just isn't very much. In fact, it's barely more than the rest of the Pickle competitors combined. ;) ~ The Bard of Illogicopedia TinyQuill.gif 11:57, 7 Ergust 2011 (UTC)
He's right. You guys need to see it from my side. I NEED AS MANY STARS AS POSSIBLE. —rms talk 17:02, 7 Ergust 2011 (UTC)
I need someone to explain what' s going on. ~ Pointy.png 17:23, 7 Ergust 2011

Post-Game Analysis

You'll know better than I whether this Pickle leaves diminished activity in its wake... As a recent return after a 2-year vacation[1], my perspective is a bit limited, but here's what I liked:

  1. Bringing it back, despite reservations.
  2. Fast judging: Even though my entry for the previous 3.1 edition was comparatively lame, I was very curious to see who would win. Six weeks was a bit much. =) I was so depressed while waiting, I left.[2] But a one week turnaround? Perfect.
  3. Judges notes: Always appreciated.
  4. Extending it an extra week due to Roberto's girlie-pic addiction technical problems.

Pickle 4.1 got 10 entries (plus a cancellation), while 3.1 got 9 (and a cancellation), so this was a step-up there, too.

Gentlemen, I thank you. Hope to see another one in the next 6 months.

~ The Bard of Illogicopedia TinyQuill.gif 17:33, 8 Ergust 2011 (UTC)

  1. And I find it hilarious that I could be gone from 6 Jumbly 2009 to 12 Jumbly 2011 and still manage to compete in two consecutive Pickles.
  2. Actually it was a combination of that, less traffic on ?pedia, my limited free time, and more success I was getting at Uncyc with my reduced time. But I've divorced Sophia and have been moving all my stuff in here because I'm ready for long-term commitment and I secretly always hated potatoes whilst being secretly attracted to bananas and my God I'm nearly out of breath what the Hell did I do with my punctuation basketandnowmyfrickenspacebarisseizedup
Pretty sure the sophia server is in use at least for something here as well, mon. ~ Pointy.png 16:36, 14 Ergust 2011

Since it says the best articles will be put to public vote...

I'm gonna nominate the two runners-up and the three honorable mentions for feature. If you don't like it, delete the pages. Thank you. --T3 21:39, 12 Ergust 2011 (UTC)