Another Weasley

SCENE: The Great Hall, Hogwarts

PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL holds THE SORTING HAT. Anxious first-year students await their turn to be sorted into their Houses.

MCGONAGALL

Ronald Weasley!

RON WEASLEY sheepishly ambles forward and sits on the stool. MCGONAGALL places THE SORTING HAT on his head.

THE SORTING HAT

Ah! … Another Weasley! I know just what to do with you! Slytherin!

RON

(looking horrified)

Slytherin? AAAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEE!

Hi Steve, Great first draft of the screenplay. Really great. You've made some interesting changes from my original book, and nearly always for the better. I'm sending back this particular page because I'm confused about the Sorting Hat. And Ron? What's going on here? All My Best, Jo

Hey Jo, I'm glad it was mostly to your liking. I made some fixes to the story because Ron really is rather weasley, isn't he? The boy really strikes me as a wimp and a coward. Seems more like the Slytherin type, wouldn't you agree? As for the Sorting Hat, he's the one that makes the determination of a student's potential and sorts him or her accordingly, right? So, no problem! Cheers, Steve

Steve, I know it may seem like a stretch, but Ron is really on the road to becoming something great. I know we've discussed this as part of the backgrounder I gave to you when you were selected for the screenwriter job. Please revise as soon as possible. I'm looking forward to reading the next draft! Best wishes, Jo

Hi Jo, Ahhh... I see... Well, no problem then. I actually had an even better idea for a re-write that addresses some other concerns I've been having. Look for my "owl" sometime next week!  :) Cheers, Steve

SCENE: The Great Hall, Hogwarts

PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL holds THE SORTING HAT. Anxious first-year students await their turn to be sorted into their Houses.

MCGONAGALL

Ronald Weasley!

RON WEASLEY sheepishly ambles forward and sits on the stool. MCGONAGALL places THE SORTING HAT on his head.

THE SORTING HAT

Ah! ... Another Weasley! I know just what to do with you! Avada kedavra!

There is a brief flash of green light.

RON

(falling off the stool)

AAAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEE!

Steve, This is a rather interesting take, but I do have major concerns about it. Ron, as I've said, has much potential that must be explored. Plus, it's a bit early to be killing favourite, major characters (I'll be doing that later in the series!) And the Sorting Hat? I just can't see this happening under any circumstances. Best, Jo

Jo, No disrespect intended—they are, after all, your characters—but let's face it... Ron and Hermione? I'm just not buying it, and I'm betting movie-goers won't either. The Hat, as is, is not an interesting character and either it needs to be given more of a role, or cut from the script. Plus, I think the script could use a bit more mystery, don't you? I mean, a tampered Sorting Hat adds an extra level of drama. Think about it. Cheers, Steve

Steve, Yes, the characters are mine, and that's why I feel a need to protect them, and to preserve the overall story arc. I've thought about it. I can't imagine what it would take to convince me to kill Ron and have the Sorting Hat go so horribly wrong. Please think on it, and send me another draft when you're ready! ~ Jo

SCENE: The Great Hall, Hogwarts

PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL holds THE SORTING HAT. Anxious first-year students await their turn to be sorted into their Houses.

MCGONAGALL

Ronald Weasley!

RON WEASLEY bravely strides forward and sits on the stool. A look of supreme confidence graces his serene face. He nods to MCGONAGALL and beckons her forward with a subtle, practised wave. MCGONAGALL nods back, places THE SORTING HAT on his head, gives a small curtsy, and backs away.

THE SORTING HAT

Ah! … Another Weasley! I know just what to do with you! AVADA KEDAVRA!

There is a brief flash of green light.

RON

(falling over dead, a look of suppressed pain on his noble face)

HARRY

(standing up)

RON! ROOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNN!

HERMIONE

(sobbing uncontrollably)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BOO HOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Steve, Please understand. RON CANNOT DIE. THE HAT CANNOT DO THIS. Change it now. ~ J.

Jo, I know you're angry, but please, bear with me. I really think you should give second thought to Ron as a love-interest for Hermione. Harry and Hermione would be box office gold, don't you think? As for the Sorting Hat, I'm wondering if he might be better as a horcrux? It's not unthinkable that Voldemort might have found a way to compromise him? Cheers, Steve

Stephen, The Sorting Hat is an ancient artifact of the school... too powerful and too well protected for Tom Riddle to have worked any magic on it. RON CANNOT DIE. Please revise. ~ J.

Jo, You love Ron the way that only a mother could. I'm seeing what the audience will see. Ron is scrawny-legged, spotty-faced, geeky little git. With Harry next to him, who would look at him twice? Hermione is a babe in waiting. The girl has options. C'mon. What do you say? Sincerely, Steve

Mr. Kloves— HEAR ME NOW: RON LIVES. Make no mistake: Ron and Hermione are on a one-way road to SHAGVILLE. This is absolutely MY FINAL WORD on this. FIX IT THE WAY I WANT IT, OR YOU'RE GETTING THE SACK. ~ J.K.R.

Ms. Rowling, My deepest apologies. It'll be there in 20 minutes. Look for my owl fax. Sincerely yours,     Stephen Kloves