Ennui Ford

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Ennui Wobit Ford commissioned this balloon sculpture of himself in repose at Versailles.

Ennui Wobit Ford (pronounced ahn-wee; [Fr. ahn-nwee] fyord ) (1886-1955, born Henry Robert Fjord in Spongewich, Connecticut) acquired his popular appellation due to his living in a county where the entire population save himself had a congenital speech impediment. By the time he followed brother Jewemiah to Milwaukee to apprentice as a confabulators apprentice, he learned the proper pronunciation of his name, but was too embarrassed by age 15 to change it.

Early Life[edit | edit source]

Nothing interesting happened except a misdemeanor charge of "passing as a hermaphrodite, when in fact, the offender was not a hermaphrodite at all. I mean, really!"

Late Teens[edit | edit source]

Ennui got lots of sex due to the mystical powers of his lingam. He frequented cross-dressing Wiccan (Ricken) bars, trolling for part-time help to invent something called "the horseless carriage". Using only the technology of the day and some magic spells, Ford was able to create a carraige that utilized no horses whatsoever. Lacking other means of propulsion, however, it just sat there, baiting him.

It is believed by Jehovah's Witnesses that this experience was the origin of his racist beliefs. Proof of this culminated in a friendly meeting with Adolph's Tenderizer, pretender to the throne of Bavaria. On this occasion, the two pledged to blame Jews for everything and wear matching suits to official functions.

Adulthood[edit | edit source]

Fnord made a lot of money, and refrained from eating puppies through his entire adulthood, and well on past his death. He will eat dolphin when pressed, but "press push to pull" steepens the learning curve most efficiently.

I wonder if chickens wish they had teeth.