Flamingo
“Flamingo.”
The flamingo was discovered around two thousand years ago in the Middle East[1]. It is around the north pole on winter afternoons. You would recognize one of them because of the abnormally loud sound of their hearts pumping blood to their digestive track and coffins. They are armed with a sharp wit and twenty dollars worth of calamari. They always find a way to melt into a cherry but have never successfully predicted the near future.
Many think that this animal doesn't exist and they assume that it is just a legend. But this is luckily not true. But the Flamingo is extremely rare because of extensive hunting. Why? Well… flamingo's meat taste like strawberry ice cream because of their orange fathers.
Origin[edit | edit source]
People are unsure of how these "freaks" were made. I mean, who makes a fucking pink animal? So one theory states that a blue mustang backfired and out came a mutated koala, so the driver threw him over the side of a cliff and the koala landed in a zoo and became pink and got a beak. Other critics claim that it's the "Best movie of the year" and "Two thumbs up" and stuff like that, but one of them had some Pepto Bismol and puked up something pink that became what we know as "Barbie" but then the product designer made it wrong and called it a Flamingo.
The flamingos often find themselves spraying hose at monkeys. Their backs itch. The monkeys look like they just found out that the twin towers were rebuilt so the flamingos fling poo at them and every laughs a lot!!! Then they decided to make teams. One was the "democrats" and one was the "third party". Republicans were made by Bull Sharks[2]. Then they decided to make a revolution and we all met our gruesome fate. Then the flamingos raided the local Starbucks and got hyper from a lot of Mountain Dew.
Extreme Diet & Culture & Habitat[edit | edit source]
The Flamingo has a healthy diet of Super Duper Monkey Brains that were freeze dried twenty two years before they were deep fired and turned in to cocoa. That is why children are sad when they watch "Fwumpy Dies of Diabetes 2: Death By Paper Cuts". I get so emotional when I watch the part where his hand is sawed off and blood flies everywhere. *sob*.
Flamingos are also involved in the KKC, aka: The Ku Klux Clan. So if you are something that is orange and bright green you might want to watch out because Flamingos hate you. That is not good because they eat Beef despite being vegetarians. Their stomach constricts whenever they eat something than isn't carcinogenic.
Flamingos live for about twenty minutes. They are involved in twenty six different religious cults and have mastered twenty forms of Icelandic languages and dialects. They are often found alone Snorting cocaine and often are turned on by the slightest movement The chances are you will be raped by a flamingo. They often find dollar bills on the ground but instead of just getting a sub at Subway for five dollars they eat the money and gut beer bellies. Eww!
They live in the tropical rain forest so they often get Malaria before they are even born. Then they teleport by saying "shoot the hoop!" and then they go to the moon! They found a guy playing golf there and shot him with a dart so he got poisoned and later died on the moon. How sad! Still, the flamingos steal space shuttles that are docked on the space station all the time. They know how to hot wire and alarm clock and like to eat pudding after two o'clock every day. But one day the Flamingo leader kicked a soccer ball to win the game for Germany but broke his ear bone and the queen took over and made life anarchy. Oh noes! But then the flamingos called Rambo and he killed the queen and the police because he is good at that.
Human Contact[edit | edit source]
The first meeting between the flamingos and human beings, found place in the middle east at late 800's. Two specimens were taken by the Vikings, and brought back to Norway, because of their sick food habits....
At the 1000's century almost all the Vikings had starved to death since the flamingos where everywhere nowhere to be found. A small group of Vikings decided to do something with this problem, so the Vikings started to hunt Laps. They hunted them all the way up to Finmark. The Laps are a people that all Norwegians hate so much because they are stealing Santa's reindeer. Now the Vikings had a headache so they went and bought head-on (APPLY DIRECTLY TO FOREHEAD!!!!) and then their heads A-splode from so much Head-on. The Later Europeans discovered the Iceland was really an Island, therefore minding there own pants instead of Jimmy's. Now the birds fly like Giraffes!
Nobody knows what kind of cake the Flamingos make. Hypotheses point towards pancakes, but one can only be so sure. So the aliens picked up a flamingo and made it SUPER!!!!!!!! Then it saved the others by granting them to Flamingo heaven and they all spontaneously combusted, turning the surroundings into A melting watermelon!
SO Jimmy had to come free them from the grip of the afterlife but wait! He had broken his left forehead on the way and went to Denny's instead for some reason[3]. But then another Hippo came and was using the Mythical Jump Rope of terror! to fend off rabid beached whales that were plotting against the reign of the flamingos! This scared a little boy who was later hospitalized because of severe burns and bumps. But the Hippo was later slaughtered by a farmer and sold and it turns out it was twenty monkeys shoved into a Hippo shaped pillow case. Now the flamingos realized that monkeys would make great allies but they were in opposite political parties so they couldn't no matter how liberal they were. Then the Flamingos killed all of the Monkeys I the Northern Hemisphere with a Lightsaber and contacted Polar Bears waaay up north to see what kind of fresh bananas they could send them for Christmas. Then one Polar Bear decided it was alright to fart and he did which melted the north pole and flooded the oceans and started that "global warming" crap. The flamingos never forgave them!
Flamingo Rules You[edit | edit source]
The previously mention hippo was found dead twenty years after then Germanic war of Donkey Fertilizer and Money. His name shall never be forgotten. Uhh, what was his name again?
Now Flamingos are in zoos and are electrocuted if they burn too many calories in one day. The ruler of the world fires many lawyers because they suck and the Nuns aren't happy when the pasta gets overcooked because then Flamingos bread extra quickly. But beware of the dragon! It like raw human flesh and can wax the bottom of a motor home without blinking. You have been warned! And by the way, medium rare flamingo meat makes excellent lunch for guests!!