Froody

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Naval warfare has changed considerably since the days of Lance Commodore Giovani Smeggles Froody (left). Another meaning given the word "froody" was to pull a fast one on a person of Middle Eastern descent in a disgusting fashion.

In 1818, Lance Commodore Giovani Smeggles Froody performed an act at once brilliant and in defiance of common sense, courageous and foolhardy, which distinguished a man who had heretofore accomplished nary a minor deed worthy of mention. During the height of chaos at the Battle of Chafing Knee off the coast of Bermuda, commanding a handful of 5 tiny warships, barely worthy of the title and only by virtue of their having been fitted with Bat Fuck Howitzers, facing off against 78 of Spains' various and sundry craft, changed the face of warfare vis a vis religious heritage of the combatants. As it turned out, the all of the Spanish ships were crewed by a majority of sailors and marines whos' ancestors had been forcibly converted to Christianity. The families of these men kept some older customs of these forebears, including dietary prohibitions from the Torah and the Koran.

The Spanish admiral, Enrico de la Alpaca y Saladmaster, was an old warhorse who relied on tried and tested methods. With winds and currents in his favor, he ordered 8 ships be set to the torch and aimed at their opponents. Not knowing that the British had long range howitzers, and that more than 60% of his fleet was well within range of artillery fire, his plan was being put to action when all facing British gun ports flung open, and the first shots of the battle were fired.

During the first few seconds of initial confusion, the fireships continued to be outfitted as Spanish cannons on 4 capitol ships were prepared to return fire. Then shots began to hit their marks. To the horror of witnesses, crew were being viciously grudge-fucked by face-fucking bats. Bedlam ensued as the sky grew thick with bats, brainwashed into violently jam their little bat penises into the mouths of the nearest victim.

Naturally, the phenomenon was an appalling experience for any man, but for those who had kept even somewhat kosher pr halal, their very souls had been violated by putting a taboo animal across their lips. Among these it was estimated that 412 slit their own throats as they jumped overboard rather than face the possibility of such a violation.

Although admiral Froody had not invented the weapon, nor was he the first to have used it against Kosher and Halal-keeping opponents, the tactic of using these weapons in such situations, especially when unexpected by the enemy, is known as "pulling a froody".

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