Hayat
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A Hayat is vast string of code inhabiting a mass of Intergalactic node's appearing on our Earth around the time Prince was riding a motorcycle and bathing with doves.
It Is unknown what causes a Hayat to move or form thoughts. There have been no studies into its motion sources, or cognitive abilities, Yet we know it does move and think - our eyes and ears have told us, not to mention the late 70's tele-docu-noir-drama "A Hayat for Algernon".
Much Like famous hot-man Fidel Castro Hayat are addicted to Cigars and Pop Rocks candy, of which they have been hoarding on the moon since the Matrix-Nets-Battle of Trafalgar.com whence such candy delights were banned and replaced with naught but sticks an coal, and naught but deadly ape and Demon's with harsh pitchforks would prick the supple behinds of such children that dared to sample the sweet sweet delights.
Probably the most famous, yet unknown fact about Hayat is its relation to a well known song.
The 1962 novelty song Monster Mash by Bobby "Boris" Pickett was supposedly based on a real meeting of Hayat in 1949, somewhere near Roswell, New Mexico , though the original attendees were not the Wolfman, Frankenstein, the Mummy and Dracula but instead were various Hayat, Mr. Hooper, Hamburgular, Cindy Lauper (who sang a version of the song that was then adapted by Bobby Pickett) and Chuck Yeager.
Original Lyrics included such gems as:
The Hayat were having fun / The party had just begun / The guests included Hayat node-point 43E7 / Mr Hooper and Hayat node-point 68G4
This next fact has an interesting twist, only seeing its then perverted light of day many years later when the Beach Boys massacred the original copy of the original version by making their own original version and removing all references to Text Fields(replacing them with a reference to the then unknown child-star Igor "Le Recidivist" Gravedigger) and removing the mention of the arrival of Hayat node-points 45T3 to 46R7 and replacing them with either the "Crypt Kicker Five" or their own name, dependent on version.
The scene was rocking / All the digging sounds / Text Control Fields unchained? / The coffin bangers were about to arrive / With a local group, the Hayat node-points 45t3 to 46r7 Jamsquad
It was a great misfortune of Miss Lauper that she accidentally did not secure the rights to this song and Bobby Pickett stole it a few years later. With the Wolfman, Dracula (and his son), Frankenstein, Colonel Sanders and the Mummy too, he recorded the version of the Monster Mash we all know and love today. And as mentioned earlier this led to the the less loved Beach Boys version being ham-fistedly expunged like air from a bloated corpse upon the world - the version known best for inciting Jim Morrison to start his cult and later kill over 900 people in a mass suicide.
Magical Powers?[edit | edit source]
It is thought that a Hayat may be able to use what is commonly known as magical powers.
Also, and I read this yesterday just before Louanne came around, she had bought a lovely cake, it was a sort of chocolate-date concoction and we had some lovely tea with it. Ended up spending the best half of the morning just chatting away on the porch together. I didn't know this but since Alexi had moved to St Petersburg he has gotten married and finally finished his studies at the auditorium. Joan is well too, she is still with Cherie, I still to this day would never have imagined her growing into a carpet muncher!
It's is known to morph into various forms such as Mega Jesse Owens, Ham, Bastard, Ape or Monkey and Crow all of which have been documented in photographs and loving illustrations by the Queens Beardsmen using mixed media. As of yet no post to YouTube or Flash animations with generic and anoying characters with equally abhorrent catch phrases have been made of these occurrences - so its basically a non-event.
In its morphed Ape/monkey form it is known to release liquids.
It's ability to release a type of rustic tea when squeezed under the right arm pit has been seen and performed by only the most daring! , and it is said the tea gives the drinker the ability to see dead people, script, Manifest Soviet Destiny, and dance like t'was 1999.
Its greater "magic" abilities or powers are only known from reports by supposed "eye witnesses" to such occurrences , none have been video taped or seen by either groups, scientists or Bea Arthur - who could have taken a photo with her Brownie Box.
Many believe the eyewitnesses to be fibbers and that they are just under the spell of a Hayat and that it had just ensorcelled them into believing it had magic power instead. Like a Magic Space David Copperfield ensocorcelling a deadly ape.
Powers may include:
- Shooting lightning from fingers
- Magic Missiles of at least a 6th level wizard ability
- The ability to use simple objects as tools.
- The ability to command and control simple rugs and skins.
- The power to grow Sloth Hooks, not unlike the dude in Terminator 2 who gets the pointy silver hands when he is angry
- Sundry powers
Ports[edit | edit source]
Hayat have been ported onto many different systems and consoles, they are but possibly but not limited to:
- Super Famicom
- Various Cocktail or table cabinet Arcade machines
- Vectrex System
- Necro George Harrison Games Sitar
- Magnavox Odyssey
- Intellivision
- Atari 2600
- Commodore 16, Vic 20 and 64
- The Overclocked Love of Our Baby Jesus 7000
Hayat have also been ported to various operating systems.
Intergalactic standards, such as those promulgated by Necro George Harrison and the Sitar Army , greatly facilitate porting Hayat because they specify the details of the hut-like environment in which he must exist in a way that varies very little among the possible riverbeds on which he will end up resting. Often, porting Hayat between two platforms that implement the same standard (such as, for instance, POSIX.1 or the Feast of Lent ), is simply a matter of recompiling the Hayat on the new bed of weeds and lichen.
Such ports include but are not limited to:
- Mac OS
- Microsoft Windows (Only until version 3.1
- GNU/Linux.
- The Land of Wind and Time
- OS/2
- AmigaOS
- Steve Gutenberg
Ingredients[edit | edit source]
Known ingredients include but are not limited to:
- Nodes
- Points
- Pieces of Eight
- Malassezia furfur
- Dogs or Cats
- Mr. Huxtable
- Infant
- Tetrasodium EDTA
- Mixamatosis
- Black Billiard Balls
- Skinks
- The milk of pygmy goats.
- Ammonium Xylenesulfonate
- Ebola
- Mad Max pieces
- Grain
The many substances that go into making a Hayat are said to contain many valuable chemicals and gems , also their fur and hide is valuable , and so is their tea, For these and many other reasons , including sport, they are stabbed in the guts many times and used for many purposes.
On The moon Russians harvest Hayat to make gorgeous jumpers, and in Russia the Hayat harvest you. The rustic tea is sometimes harvested to help failing rock and pop stars regain their glory. One such star is said to like it being ladled over his balls with an ancient Roman shield (Russel Crowe) , and Elton John is said to have a Hayat tea enema every 15 minutes, but purely for sexual gratification.
Famous Hayat[edit | edit source]
Famous Hayat include but are not limited to:
- Hayat Node-point 32A9
- Hayat Node-point 65Y3
- Hayat Pitt
- T-Bone from the film Boys In Tha Hood
- Cyndi Lauper
- André Breton
- Spock
- Hayat
- The one from the Brady Bunch
- Mad Max, the Road Warrior
- Dr Herman "Hayat" Goering