I'll Be Right Back

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Lolwut.jpg  This article is not about particularly anything, in other words, it's random
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“It's quite strange how wheels roll, isn't it?”

~ A block on a number of subjects

Oh, douche. If I have to be right back, that means I have to leave. Like that mitten that was perched on my table. It kida just... right. Wait, I mean left. Or maybe it's the other way around. Like oatmeal or some weird crap.

And in the beginning it was dark... but then I turned on a light bulb. Then I could see. Life is like waaaay better when it's light instead of dark. Unless you are a bat. They are retards who enjoy darkness. However, I am not a bat, I am a bowl of old yogurt who has happened to gain some sort of brain power. It's quite amazing how a giant steel ball can make yogurt think. Oh, if love is a labor I'll slave 'till the end. PS, I don't love you.

Let's see exactly how long I can make this introduction. If I could only lenghten it, it would indeed get longer. Or shorter. Or something kinda like that. Ya know. Oh yes the other day I saw a whale. It was really quite blue... and it kept staring at me. IT. That's all IT did. I think a good old bucket of rotten shrimp will help me out. Now bucket, plæse come out. Plæse. PLÆSE. PLÆSE??? PLÆSE!?!?!

PLÆSE DAMMIT

Uh oh, it's IT!


Watch out for the bottle![edit]

Oh, goodness me! A bottle! What am I supposed to do with this blasted peice of material? Use it as a condom? I sure hope not. My woody[1] wouldn't even fit in a pen cap, much less this... wait, what was I talking about again? Ah screw it, at least I have this painting of old frog skins posted up on the wall of my bathroom. It's my material, if you catch my drift. *cough*

Oh joy, it's the burrito I was eating for lunch! But this time it tastes a bit more digested. Damn.

The couch of lost souls[edit]

Is in my house. I don't sit in it. But my raccoon does. It's pretty damned scary.

My favorite genre of music is Electronic. Any questions?

Speaking of raccoons, has anyone seen my wallet? No? Blast, I had a couple schillings in there I was going to use to go watch the Hannah Montana Movie. But I guess I won't. *sig-- HACK HACK HACK* Looks as though I have the flu, boy.

Damn, I'm running out of ideas to keep this section of the article going. Any suggestions? Erm, you there in the penguin suit. Wait, that's no suit.... it's IT.

Oh yes, now I know. I could maintain my constant babblings of the unrelated sort! Yes! In this case I could mention something completely related to my festering sock. An old cell phone! It's buttons squeak, it's ears don't have lobes, and it appears to be female.

List of characteristic properites of Alkali metals[edit]

Alkali metals are... wait, who the hell heck is coming up with these stupid titles? I don't know a darned thing about Alkali Metals[2]. Are they some sort of pasta? Or perhaps it was that of a parachute. You know, that little thing of molten lava that was flowing slowly down the hill to a small town of people who are unknowing of their own fate. That's what Alkali metals are. Oh god dammit, I don't know anything. I should at least make a list, since I know what that is.

List:

(What kind, I don't know)

  • A monkey
  • Your mum
  • A pack of condoms
  • It's IT.
  • A pocket full of clam shells[3]
  • Etc. etc. ect.
  • Ect? What the hell is ect?

It's something you eat when you're feeling glum

  • Well thanks for the advice.

Now how does some time for some cool Alt + number symbols? Sounds good. ☻. It's some sort of FACE! ♫. A sixteenth note. →. Oh damn. It's pointing at me. ■. It appears to be... gellatin? ▓. Ok, what the bloody hell is that? Some sort of mixing device? Maybe a machine designed for unclogging a toilet. Wait, I think it's a pile of moldy buttons! They should label these damned symbols.

Now for the second[4] part of the show: THE SNAIL SHELL.

Lanky: Good God.

Spanky: Is it that melon over there?

Lanky: Oh. Maybe. I don't really remember.

Spanky: Great moons of Neptune! It's IT!

Old can of Spam: I am the data results.

THE END.

Ah, I can't get that symbol off my mind. Is it a wrench? I think it might be a hot air balloon. Or something of the sort.

Holy cow[edit]

It's a special form of eubacteria[5]. It's as big as a can of soup. And it isn't anywhere near as good as yer mum. Wait a second, I'm saying "mum" and I'm American. It's IT. You stupid Brits! You're making my accent slur towards the British side! Damn. This is not what I expected coming to this website. I thought there wouldbe a bunch of cool French people or something. Not Brits. At least it's not as bad as breaking up with a koala you really love. DO NOT date koalas. They always dump you in the end. I learned that the hard way. *sob*

Now for Story time!

McMartin and the Two Envelopes™[edit]

McMartin looked down the road. It appeared to be vacant. He walked across. No trouble.

Martin McMartin was a man who often encountered mounds of trouble. He was born in a troublesome place, with a troublesome dog named Travis. He had been etached to Travis, although Travis had continually tried to break the bond by biting at it. The two were siamese twins. McMartin was utterly happy to find out he would always be attached to a dog. It's IT.

But then the dog rotted and fell off. McMartin looked at the carcas and smiled. "I'm free!" he said. This brings us to the beggining of the story. He walked across without trouble.

"Whew," he said. Something bad usually happens to him and nothing happened to him right then. But then he got shot in the head and died.

The Eld. Er, I mean End.

The two coins I found on the ground (Album Version)[edit]

My many associates[6] and I realize that here at BigBalloons, Inc. there are too many empty boxes. We have decided to fill those boxes with US Army rations and bottles of salt tablets. If you would like to make any donations, they will be gladly accepted. Also, if anyone has the Playboy magazine from last month, could you please give it to me? Thanks a million. Speaking of Playboy, I have to go brush my walrus's teeth. I hope you don't mind the horrible stench of his cavity-ridden teeth. He is exactly like a dinosaur. If he eats rocks it helps digest food. Quite interesting if you ask me. So every day I cram rocks down his throat. Now he doesn't breath anymore and he doesn't have a pulses. Also vultures come around every once in a while and pick at his flesh. But I scare them with my ding dong. Also, it's IT.

That damned dog and his leash. He pulls me everywhere around town!

No shit! I knew I've seen you before!

“If you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

~ Yogi Berra on some random crap that makes no sense

Hey Yogi, guess what? I don't give a crap about you're damned quotes. None of them ever makes any sense. And I hate it. I hate you too. You are such a dope. Like in that Gieco Commercial. You smelled fianlty of trout. Blast. And you're hair looked fine. You didn't need a haircut. What is wrong with the world these days? All it is is sex[7] and ipods and starbucks. Wait, two of those start with "s"! I think "s" is the evil letter! OH NO!!!!!1

The other day I saw a rainbow. Beat that. You haven't seen anything more impressive ever. EVER. SO now I am the victor.

There is just too many of them! Run! RUN![edit]

This sentence is self-evident. Did you notice that? Wait a second, that was just a bird... I hate birds. I remember when they invented birds. Everbody loved them. Except me. I hated them. They always pooped on my garden.


Pile of microchips. Strange. And It's IT.[edit]

Now that is one lost dog. It doesn't have a leash and i walking a round in circles. I keeps sniffing trees and keeps moving north. And about those microchips... uh... they're bright orange or something. Ok, I give up. I'm completely brain dead right now. My heart is even pumping anymore. I'm hardly even alive. Siomething isn't right. Wait, I mean left. Or somethin.. Dammit! I hate it when I get left and right confused.

It's IT.

And what the hell is that symbol? I swear it must be a monster. You know for like a movie or something. So it looks like Microsoft was infiltratesd by the creators of horror movies. Now if I was sane, I would assume that the previous statement was a lie. But since I am insane, I believe it and think it is completely true. So Microsoft needs better security or something. That is my medical opinion on the subject. You hear that? It's the sound of opinion. And it is very loud. If you can't hear it you must be deaf. Deaf like dogs. All dogs are deaf. Or blind. Or some weird shit like that. Dogs hunt things with... I don't know, guns? Hell, do dogs even know what hunting is? Dogs aren't as smart as me. If I were a dog I would kill myself[8]. Woof.

*pulls gun*

Referenc-- Wait, I'm dead. How Am I supposed to Type this?[edit]

  1. Let it be noted that.... er... I forget.
  2. Let it be noted that.... dammit! I forgot again!
  3. Shit. I forgot what to say.
  4. Ha I remember this time! It shall be noted that... DAMMIT!!!!
  5. A eubacteria is a... a... a... GOD DAMN THIS TO HELL!!!!1
  6. I won't even make a note here. I know I will forget it anyway.
  7. What the hell is this doing here? I must have been high when I made this or somthing.
  8. Last one. Finally. It's over.

Last section? I think NOT!!![edit]

It's IT.

THE END>. Oh no, it's the last sentence.

“This shall be quoteth sometime!”

~ A psychic on this quote.

Lol my fave symbol ever. Not [edit]

It's a monkey. Or somethin.

PS, I'm bak to life. not back, bak. Tak me oot, eh?

This is a sentence.

It is also a pickle.

Do not make me go into further detail on that subject.

Please.

How come every sentence is getting a new line?

It's taking up space[1].

Space I could be putting to a good cause.

Damned article.

It sucks.

At least I have my own satellite.

You don't.

Unless you are a cellular provider.

Then you do.

Whatever then.

My phone is broked.

Plæse help.

Plæse.

Plæse!

PLÆSE!

Satisfactory angles.[edit]

At the top of the mountain I fell off. And then I walked down a wide path to find a pile of rusty staplers at the end. Actually, in this case "rusty" means "slightly tilted to the back left", just like my microwave. If I ever melt butter in it it slides offf to the back. It's sort of disappointing; now there is a burnt mark in my microwave from all of the butter. One time I tried to fry a fish in my microwave. It didn't work out that well.

Does anyone know what a bird is? Anyone?

Ah, I should add another picture now.[edit]

If you mix dynamite and fire, something cool[2] will happen! Like really really cool. And if you put milk and churros in a blender, it might taste kind of weird. I did that and the taste didn't leave my mouth for several hours. The might be best explained by my inability to brush my teeth.

The caption is irrelevant.

Now I really have to write this paragraph out. Like college thesis paragraph. I wonder just how much longer I can make this paragrpah. Three sentences? Ten sentences? Eight hundred and twenty four point eight sentences!? Sounds like a lot of work. I should probably keep it at a smaller number. Literally. Did somebody call my name?

No, you're just hearing things, kid

Oh, thanks then. Now what was I saying? Something about rice ice cream[3]... I think. And by the way, I'm not racist, I have a black and white TV. It doesn't have speakers, so I co me up with my own. I was watching this movie called The Good, The Bad, and The Smelly. I made it have my own appropriate lines about bunnies and rainbows.

Now I must say that it does indeed smell faintly of pasta. Does any one else have the same smell? ANYONE!?!?!?

Shut up, you're gonna wake up the baby!

Oh, I'm quite sorry. Next time I'll be sure to watch out for the slippery orange.

Murder case[edit]

I like being in control of things. Who doesn't?

I found a blank piece of paper and a match stick. I accuse Readmesoon.

I found a fish carcas. I accuse Hindleyite.

I found your mum. I acusse myself.

I found a bottle of rum. I accuse Nerd42.

I found air. I accuse.... er.... damn. I forgot. Wait, that's who I accuse! I forgot!

Well, ladies and gentlemen, it appears as though no one is guilty. Why, Because we're too damned stupid to know what the hell is going on. That's what we get for droppng out of school at second grade. Mom, can I have some grape juice?

IS this the End?

IS it?

WELL!!!???




Why, yes it is Better put another refernce[4] section then.

References. Like real this time.[edit]

  1. Aw, it's not over.
  2. Just had to go past the reference section, didn't you?
  3. Please, just stop the misery
  4. Stop. Literally.

Uh oh, it's IT!!!