I had a live bat shoved down the back of my pants all day
It gave me ass rabies. Ass rabies, I tell you!
His name was Stelio Kontos. He was a magnificent bastard of a man, a bronzed god who enjoyed inflicting wedgies on the sissy kids. The bat down my pants was the high point of his bullying career to that point.
In 1977, he moved to Tibet and started a fusion jazz band. Stelio was every band member. He'd learn to record time as tracks under the tutelage of a llama. He got picked up by ECM Records in 1981, where he produced 87 albums on which he played 173 acoustic instruments, along with 63 digital instruments.
His car collided with that driven by Reverend Zim_ulator in Stockholm in 1994, when they met for the first time. They quickly developed a mutual admiration club of two. They formed a two person band, a first for both of them, called "Glassy Nipples Ponderously Threatening Modern R&B".
Their first album, called "Loosening My Nuts Upon The World", was a protest against man whores. Kontos played concert harp, mandolin, harmonica, bat guitar and percussion, and the Rev sang tenor, played guitar, glassine envelope, synthesizers, rat bastard and lumpy gravy. It became a cult classic among disenchanted lacrosse players, but was mostly pirated, and sold 69 copies.
There was no second or third album.
Their fourth album, "Reach For The Stars, You Idiot", was a huge, tremendous success, selling 64 billion copies in 1,937 solar systems. It was recorded with both musicians playing in sensory deprivation tanks.
More stuff happened, but I can't remember anything else right now.