IllogiNews:Batch files key to Windows 8 speed

This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages.

In a surprise move, Microsoft has made a strategic move in software development. Quoting Sun Tzu, Sith Lord Steve Ballmer announced through a nu Mou interpreter from Geidi Prime that, "we are ^%@#ing pulling a ^%@#ing Sun Tzu move here, folks. See over here? Now, presto! Over here, in this hand, ^%@#ing batch ^%@#ing files!^%@#ing ^%@#! "

Windows 8, heralded as yet another Mac killer by drooling fog-bots in obscure Japanese sponge porn anime dives, just off O Soto Gari Street, starts up using the old MS-DOS routine, invoking AUTOEXEC.BAT file as the instructions on how to prepare the computer to run it's operating system. Demons are called upon to enact a fractal variation of the Apocalypse, complete with swing music, oysters, smoking jackets, references to M. C. Escher (either in or out of drag) and drug testing.

Deep in Appalachian back country, in some Gods-forsaken omelette, Sasquatches write viruses, attempting to penetrate the Siegfried Line. Forks!