Illogibible

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“I need to come up with some commandments for this Bible, like Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's IOTM, or something


“Blessed are the cheesemakers

~ Phrubub on the IllogiBeatitudes


A modern pocket Funamental Illogibible

The Illogibible(from English: Illogic + Bible) is a big book of books considered sacred in Illogism.There are various different strains of Illogism, each with a slightly different version of the Illogibible. Different religious groups include different books within their illogibibles, in different orders, and sometimes divide or combine books, or incorporate different books into other books. The fullest and most concise is the Illogibible of Fundamental Illogists, however another major version is the Humanitive Illogibile.

The Humanitive Illogibible, or "Humano-Book", contains 26 books, one for each letter of the Alphabet of Sanity. They are divided into 2 parts: Ah'hah ("The Creation) and O'ops ("The Destruction").(Thankfully) the Humanitive Illogibible is still unfinished.

An illogiweapon used in "The Destruction"

Fundamental bibles have five sections: Antipole - The Beginning, Isopole - The Developing, Xenopole - The Catastrophe, Exopole - The Ending, and Neopole - The Re-birth. Each section has 5 books in it, meaning a total of twenty-five books, one for each letter of the Sane Alphabet, excluding "i", because it is considered sacred in fundamental illogism, and should not be forced to be stored in paper. In various editions, other books are added representing letters from the Alphabet of Insanity.

The bible is not considered 'Holy' by the Fundamental Illogists, because in order for something to be considered Holy, it must be "divinely inspired" by Illogigod, however Illogigod is always busily engaged with other Divine business, and is not at all interested in a puny book, however big it be. The oldest illogibible dates back to about last Tuesday, but this could be because of a bug in the carbon dating machine. The illogibible has changed very little over time, with the slight edition of a few coffee stains and creased pages.

The Illogibible is considered to be the worst selling book of all time. It has sold -2⅞ copies, however this caused a glitch in the space-time continuum, so the Guinness book of World Records has yet to notice it.

Etymology[edit]

The word Illogibible is a combination of the two English words:Illogic and Bible. The word Illogic is the negation of the word Logic (from the Greek λογική, logos). The word bible comes from Latin - biblia, and Greek - βιβλίον, Biblion. The word βιβλίον originally meant "scroll" or "paper", which is silly when you think about it, because it's actually book - not just a pile of paper.

Humanitive Illogibible[edit]

Main article: Development of the Humanitive Illogibible


The Humanitive illogibible is the authoritive text of Humanitive Illogism. It describes the Creation of the World, and it's destruction, however because the world has not yet been destroyed, the second half has not yet been finished.

Ah'hah[edit]

An extract from an early edition of the Aishaitive illogibible.

The Ah'hah is also known as "The 13 Books of the Profits", or the Triskaideuch meaning "Thirteen-scroll cases". The names of the books are derived from the Profit whom the subject of the book is described:

  1. Ideus (The Idea)
  2. Jeo
  3. Zlukk
  4. Frisco
  5. Xescario
  6. Nefario
  7. Crumbis
  8. Unn
  9. Ooo
  10. Izzaarr
  11. Yakob
  12. Eee
  13. Stan

The Book of Ideus tells of Illogigod's idea of making a world, and how he feels lonely, so he makes Jeo, the first Profit. The Book of Jeo tells of Jeo's ideas and improvements that he thinks "Illogigod" should make, like a woman, so the second Profir Zlukk is made, who is also the first woman. Jeo and Zlukk have lots of hanky-panky, and populate the world, with many more Profits. In the Book of Frisco, the birth of their first son Frisco is told, plus Illogigod's decision that there will only ever be thirteen Profits. The remaining books tell more about the supposed creation of the world, until the last book, where Profit Stan becomes Prophit Satan and DOOMS THE WORLD.

The Book of Xescario also tells of The ''X'' Commandments of Illogigod. The reason for the X is because different editions of the Illogibible have a different number of Commandments. The current number in usage is considered around eighty, however Illogism Theoligists are debating whether there were any Commandments in the first place, or was it just an idea.

O'ops[edit]

O'ops is the second part of the Humanitive Illogibible, and it too is divided into thirteen chapters. They tell of the destruction of the world, however not all of them have been written:

  1. Thinkers
  2. Jop

The book of Thinkers tells how a band of people get together to think about stuff like when is the universe going to end, and then they find out. Jop just expands on this theory further, saying how it was all Stan's fault.

Movie adaptation[edit]

In the year three-thousand, a group of studio executives assembled, and after several failed attempts, managed to find the same inter-dimensional meeting room. They resolved to produce the Illogibible into a kick-ass blockbuster, encouraged by the commercial and military successes of the audio book. It was/will be directed by the maggoty corpse of Alfred Hitchcock, and starred award-winning actors that sued to not have their names mentioned here, while some of the non-award-winning ones sued for the pay that they were scammed out of. We still didn't give it to them. It was a huge success in the third century, but failed to recoup the costs of beaming the film back in time.

Fundamental Illogibible[edit]

The Fundamental Illogibible is the most used Illogibible closely followed by the Humanitive. There are others but they are barely used, and are rarely used publicly. The URFI (Universally Recognised Fundamental Illogibible) is used the most, because no other version currently exist, excluding "First Illogibible Stories", a simplified children's edition.

Antipole[edit]

Antipole is the first section of the Fundamental illogibible. It tells of the creation of the world, and it also contains the revelation of The ''X'' Commandments of Illogigod, again there is no known value of "X". Antipole, or the "Scriptures of Creation" are divided into 5 books:

  • Arisis
  • Birth
  • Calcar
  • Dexter
  • Epiphanies

Isopole[edit]

Isopole is the second section of the Fundamental Illogibile. It tells how the world develops. It is the largest of the 5 sections, although there are still only 5 books. Isopole describes important events in the development of the world, and also the Holy Hexinity, the six various forms of illogigod.

  • Frederick
  • Greed
  • Hunters
  • Jezu
  • Kazakaar

Xenopole[edit]

Xenopole is the third section of the Fundamental Illogibible and it tells of how a great catastrophe occurred that doomed the world, a similar occurrence to that in the Humanitive Illogibible. The catastrophe is defined to be the death of Jezu, but other catastrophic events also occur throughout this section.

  • Loss
  • Memories
  • Nature
  • Oliver
  • Panic

Exopole[edit]

Exopole is the penultimate section of the Fundamental Illogibible. It foretells the destruction of the world. Some theologians say that we have already entered the destruction phase, however some say that we are currently in "Panic". Exopole is the most detailed and vivid description of the apocalypse ever written.

  • Queens
  • Reaping
  • Statues
  • Terror
  • (The) Unmaking

Neopole[edit]

Neopole is the final section of the Fundamental Illogibile. It foretells the remaking of the world. Similar to Hindi philosophies, in "Zero" it is suggested that the world may cycle like this for ever, and that we are on the 84th cycle. This was probably a guess.

  • Victims
  • Widows
  • Xenophobes
  • Years
  • Zero

See Also[edit]

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