|
Climate Change blamed on Etruscans
or making this issue more Etruscan Descendents of Etruscans everywhere are outraged that Swedish climatologists are now pinning the origins of our current climate crisis on their ancestors. Puerto Ricans in particular have expressed discontent in the form of teaching cats to read and get the mail. The priest found out that running with a grenade up your butt can be disconcerting. After that, all bets were off, and the Swedes were accused of Euro-smugginess by the United Nations council on people with bad attitudes. When the dead guinea pigs were cleared from the balcony, the Royals were free to carry on with their cavorting and such. Illogicomedia Board of Trustees Appointed
The Illogicomedia Foundation is pleased to announce its inaugural Board, consisting of five actual Trustees:
Additionally, four of five other honourary positions were filled, conferring an interesting title and no power whatsoever:
If you are soft, plush, and comfortable to sit on for long stretches, please notify The Bard that you are interested in the position of Chesterfield. |
Things I heard they do in China
Ooh, I heard they do all kinds of things in China! Oh, you betcha! Like, they eat monkey meat wrapped in rice paper instead of candy, and they cane the children whether they need it or not, or they go to the bathroom... standing up!!! Of all things! Ooh, and they, they have great big sex orgies so nobody knows who their real parents are... can you imagine? Plus, all that stuff we used to whisper about the Jews? Well, I heard they do that stuff too! Storks deliver cartons of milk instead of babies
Mothers in dismay: storks plop cartons of milk all over the porches of expecting mothers. Unfortunately, some were vacationing; the milk went rotten and left a smelly gift for the returning, and notably upset, couples. The burden was eventually put on the maids, who were forced to eliminate the messes via their own mouths. Several died after being admitted to the hospital only moments after oral contraception. Assorted lawyers are on the hunt for a suitable reason to sue the Stork™ Corporation, and private investigators on the hunt for the stork(s) responsible for the events. As of yet, no details have been discovered, apart from a used milk carton seal, which invariably led to drippage mid-flight. My Considered Opinion
Barnaby The Bear's my name, never call me Jack or James, I will sing my way to fame, Barnaby the Bear's my name. Birds taught me to sing, when they took me to their king, first I had to fly, in the sky so high so high, so high so high so high, so - if you want to sing this way, think of what you'd like to say, add a tune and you will see, just how easy it can be. Treacle pudding, fish and chips, fizzy drinks and liquorice, flowers, rivers, sand and sea, snowflakes and the stars are free. La la la la la, la la la la la la la, la la la la la la la, la la la la la la la la la la la la la, so - Barnaby The Bear's my name, never call me Jack or James, I will sing my way to fame, Barnaby the Bear's my name. |