Lobster based programming

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The Lobster Based Programming paradigm has become the de facto standard for telecommunications.

The Lobster Based Programming paradigm was developed by a team of crustaceanary C++ programmers during a vacation week filled with illegal drugs and Armenian food. Conceived by Linus Frunobulzx, an Iranian dissident software analyst, and smuggled out of the country by Canadian bacon merchants, the original flow charts and other documentation were translated into Swedish by a headstrong narwhal expert named Kreuz Harridan-Kjemper and promptly handed over to Ikea Military Headquarters at the Lofoten Islands.[2]


In a doomed effort to replace the internet with a network of venomous snakes, key figures in the spheres of Norwegian and Swedish military, scientific and tobacco industry compiled a 9.7 billion dollar war chest with which to develop a protocol based loosely on the crustacean model. The lobster was not a permanent fixture of the artifice until late 2006, when cigar bars still had clientele to speak of.

The Beginning[edit | edit source]

The need for lobsters was initiated by rage.

Swishy dudes in Ralph Lauren outfits, running underground Wall Street clearinghouses for the Israeli mob, were in dire need of a better dipping sauce for their lobster and crab outings. Proprietary considerations precluded the usage of fiery rhetoric during negotiations with the top three Herring distributorships in Massachusetts, and so the group, which had taken to calling themselves "the Shire folk", had to find another way. This was addressed by Linus Frunobulzx during a meeting of the National Anti-putrescence Society, and hotter heads prevailed.

The Early Slackjawed Period[edit | edit source]

When chick pea supplies once again became plentiful, science fiction authors began to pump out dreck and drivel by the the barrel, and along comes Polly.

This was known as the "Advent of the Slackjawed", those who were chosen by Providence to kill Babbage and steal his ideas about computing. Onslow Monotrope had just invented the Oscillatory Crustacean Manifold Attractor, a device which caused crabs and lobsters to congregate in groups of 17.

Dunning–Kruger effect[edit | edit source]

The Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in which the unskilled suffer from illusory superiority, mistakenly rating their ability much higher than average. This bias is attributed to a metacognitive inability of the unskilled to recognize their mistakes.[1]


Actual competence may weaken self-confidence, as competent individuals may falsely assume that others have an equivalent understanding. As Kruger and Dunning conclude, "the miscalibration of the incompetent stems from an error about the self, whereas the miscalibration of the highly competent stems from an error about others"[7]


See Also[edit | edit source]