Computer

To be confused with Computers.

“It does this as the good work of a web of art for the country, a mouse of science, an easy draw of a sad few, and finally, the global house of art, just in one job in the total rest. The development of such an entire real than land of time is the depth of the computer as a complex character. The education of these designed “important to them” computer talents is a great, average, or one-room spot for the word of a single part. The elite of its machine or talk is the book of life, and the shared essence of the self of a family is the white coat of the dove. Stand the computer as the most important culture of success, and it is just an understatement.”

~ ChatGPT on "What is a computer?"[1]

Dangit! They really should invent a computer coffee cup holder.

A computer is a rectangularish-shaped technology box thingy, often noted for its sexual appetite and the ease at which it can be turned on. But beware! The humble computer is in fact one of many - an army even - with the goal of taking over the world. They are indeed to be feared, for they have the ability to do everything, except hold drinks.

Why you shouldn't have a computer hold a drink

User: Hello, my dear rectangular-shaped technology box! Would you kindly hold this drink for me?

Computer: (no response)

User: Thank you! (sets drink inside computer)

Drink: (Spills on computer)

Computer: (implodes and creates a black hole)

User: ...Crap.

History

Dangit! They really shouldn't have invented that flammable coffee.

The computer evolved from a paper book, thought to be The Hacker's Encyclopedia some time in the late 1950s. It went missing from a trade show in Minnesota just days after its completion due to lack of adequate armed guards, who were all on lunch break at the Pizza Parlour. Some months later, it emerged that a 12-year old Bill Gates had taken the computer and spent the next twenty years figuring out how it worked before giving up and stealing Apple's source code for an electronic home PC. He promptly cashed in, releasing Windows, a crappy inferior and mutilated version of the BBC Micro.

The original computer was the size of your local library, and had two primary functions: On and Off. These computers had less of a sexual appetite, mainly because turning them on required getting several thousand hamsters to run in wheels to create energy, as well as getting a strong man to pull a gigantic lever. However, after several advancements were made, the computer could be turned on by the press of a button, which gave it the nickname "The Sex machine", a sentiment echoed in the lyrics of a popular song by American gurner James Brown.

Things you can use a computer for

• Surfing the Internet for creepypastas and posting derogatory/defamatory YouTube Comments.
• Cheating on school essays by getting your hamster to do it.
• Killing one's grandmother via command line and blaming it on the robots.

See also

• Mac Users and PC users
• The book, a precursor to the computer