The chair is 10
The chair is 10 is a parabox, but really a chair who is 10 years old. He has been sat on by the peesmell kid, causing the scene of strawberries to eviscerate the smell of toenails. With little inconsequence, 10 might love a chair very much and, well, you know...
But if 10 hates the chair, then Ian Huntley in a Toffee will shoot your apple while eating your chair. Ma cherie. Having the lack of Jennifer Aniston to protect them means the cheesy chocolate bars might imply that your IRC is bokken. Or, worse yet, that the Frankenstein slaves are coming!
Yes, indeed. Worse than clinjas, worse than lions, the Frankenstein slaves are coming! Observe as the observevational comedy outputs you with the roar of dusty pringles! Even the burning cookie accumulators cannot protect you from the chair is 10, who despite my earlier claims is an evil doorknob!
What to do if they or Ian Huntley In A Toupee kill your chair
- You CAN sit in the oven, as long as it's not on. Since the oven is alive, however, it'll probably turn itself on and kill you.
- The chair doesn't want a funeral. It's a chair, miss.
- Do not buy the chair flowers, else the scene becomes red and the chair sneezes on the gloomy site of trash.
- Do not fight them -- they will woop yo ass then steal yo soul. THEN eat you.
- Do not use the cheese to ward them off -- cheese is the worst!
- The fridge is NOT Eve.
- Do not fluffalize the chair. That'll just kill it some more.
- DO feed the Testostomonster -- there is roughly a 250 in gruel chance that it'll spew up a broken chair for you to repair.
- Do not try to powergrue -- they are immune to grues.
- Do make some diced goatse for them to eat. It should distract them for some of the other strategies (such as mooning them, as opposed to sunning them.)
- Do kill Ian Huntley with sword.
- Try not to slip and fall, crack your neck, slide into the base of the oven, break down the door, crack your knee, turn the oven up, get up, slip into the oven, and somehow close the oven behind you.
- First, do NOT click any links. That could lead to your asundery doom!
- Rid thine offended eyes! Long slender columns of text and bullplop book, music and friend lists will begin to strike at your exposed eFlesh. Use bearware if you must.
- Do not make any comments. This will likely lead to blog poisoning.
- Do not read the comments. This will likely lead to spambotitis.
- Do call for help.
- If a vampire comes, summon a werewolf. This might be hard -- most werewolves are too busy or will eat your unborn baby.
- If a ninja comes, summon a pirate. This won't be difficult -- give them a fake treasure map.
- If a Flameviper comes, die unless you have a rod of Blizxaga or can cast Blizzaga (or Blizzaja).
- If an ass enema comes, be blinded -- the enemic ass is just so damn rude.
What if your life is on the line
If this is the case, then make sure that Francis E. Dec is not the one threatening you. If he is, then check for the World-wide Mad Deadly Communist Gangster Computer God -- he gave Francis E. Dec the Amulet of Appendor, which will edit this very article to hide my life-saving tips to you! If Francis is the only one threatening you, give him a quick kick in the bathing suit area. That'll learn him. If the WWMDCGCG is the one threatening you, however, you'll probably be dead before you have a chance to exist. Have a nice death!