Why are you wearing pants

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You know those voices in my head? This is the source.

ONOMATOPOETICIA, Georgia, Eurasia and/or North America -- Somnambulant citizenry and others remain in such a state as to ask the question, "Why are you wearing pants?", several years after evolutionarily splitting from a line somewhat afield of chimpanzees. Transhumanist engineering staff at the "Don't Forget To Take Your Vitamins Institute" are ducking calls from IllogiNews staff, who are trying to obtain any information other than rumor and out-you-endo[1] about whether the institute exists.

Aside from such notables as Ray Kurzweil, Issac Asimov (posthumously) and Arthur C. Clark (posthumously and redundantly), nobody knows who the these "engineers" are, nor where the institute is located. Conspiracy theorists, most notably Francis E. Dec (posthumously), have advanced many plethorae of complex ideas in a noble quest for both of these questions. The most reasonable thus far is that DFTTYVI is located in a location code named "Dimension 7.86", a quasi-fractal manifestation of a computative universe generated by a cell of rogue scientists working at Los Alamos, New Mexico.

Using super-massively giganormous computers in a super-secret world government laboratory, hidden in plain sight among American Air Force laboratories, these faceless truth-seekers endeavour to uncover the truth of such things as alien reptile-human insemination, armies of cloned Hitlers, bears on unicycles and Satans control over the Pentagon.

  1. The opposite of innuendo, which would probably be found to be poopies if the DFTTYVI were to perform a thorough analysis of the state, or even rural areas, of the subject.