Forum:?Times for Saturday, August 20, 2011
A Franchise Reborn
This little paper, whose actual paper content is only marginally greater than its information content, has proud tradition dating back nearly 3 years and 3 issues.
Its failure to thrive taught us a lot of valuable lessons:
Okay—two valuable lessons. But like the Special Education kids we are, we've learned them.
That's why we're dispensing with the Bureau Chief overseeing the Senior Editor in Charge of Foreign Correspondents wankery and re-booting this periodical as a flat organization of volunteers who do what they can when they can. This time around, we'll be bold, we'll take chances, we'll edit fearlessly... and probably still fail, but in an entirely new way, not the way we did before. No, never again.
?pedians judged to be spiritually advanced
Representatives of several world religions gathered at the Lowell Hyatt Regency Hotel today and issued a joint statement, saying "Illogicopedia, it's staff and readers, have proven to be among the most enlightened beings on the planet. We hold them in high regard, and offer our services as chauffeurs and scullery help to any and all ?pedians in this time of crisis."
T3canolis misses submission deadline
Continuing a long tradition of creating editorial havoc, T3canolis failed to submit a story to the ?Times this week.
A formal apology
As some of you may have been aware, a large cat was recently engaged in a rampage down what may or may not have been central Illogicopedia, though it's a little hard to tell what's what in a place like this. The point is, there was a rampage, and it was kind of our fault, so this is probably some sort of apology or something here.
Fortunately for us all, Gruntled was kind enough to take the cat in question off our hands and introduce it to his granddaughter, who is undoubtedly a lovely person, but seeing as he also gifted her with a heft pair of bear arms, we're still not sure we'd like to meet her.
As for the damage, we assume if everyone ignores it, it'll go away on its own.
Roberto fails to cause major problems this week, ?pedians puzzled
This week ?pedians witnessed a number of unexplained phenomena, including reasonable load times, working extensions, and the ability to login. Asked for his impressions, Silent Penguin said:
Several messages were left for Roberto, but none were answered by the edition deadline.
My Considered Opinion
I never spent much time in school but I taught ladies plenty. It's true I hire my body out for pay, hey hey. I've gotten burned over Cheryl Tiegs, blown up for Raquel Welch. But when I end up in the hay it's only hay, hey hey. I might jump an open drawbridge, or Tarzan from a vine. 'Cause I'm the unknown stuntman that makes Eastwood look so fine.