HowTo:Deal with psychic harassment from mind reading witches

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Not a mind reading witch.

Psychic witches love to harass people. They think it's fun. All witches are female, and all targets of their evil intentions are male. Harassment takes place in myriad forms:

  • Calling your work place pretending to be a creditor, bookie, lawyer or whatever
  • Calling your spouse or girlfriend claiming to be a spurned lover to whom you gave an STD
  • Stealing your credit card numbers
  • Leaving a dead fish inside your air conditioner
  • Releasing rats and/our cockroaches into your home
  • Calling in bogus fast food deliveries to your house
  • Psychic harassment

That's right. Psychic harassment. They implant ideas in your mind, making you think crazy. Like, maybe they'll make you sell one of your kidneys on the black market, then turn you in to the authorities. Or you'll get infatuated with a lesbian who violently spurns your advances, puts you in the hospital and has you arrested for sexual battery. Or make you dress like Abraham Lincoln and walk into a convenience store, demanding to kiss the clerk full on the lips or else.

The solution[edit]

If you find yourself being psychically harassed by mind reading witches, respond by thinking about really fun stuff, like bow hunting or cross country skiing. They hate thinking about having fun, and will soon get discouraged and go away. You have to concentrate really hard.

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You can also think about zombies. They hate zombies.

Some of this good advice comes from Uncle Frank. I made the rest up.