IllogiNews:Stuart Little commits suicide
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Stuart Little, star of the early-noughties film series of the same name, today committed suicide in what has been described as "the best thing he's ever done".
Following the drying-up of his movie career, Mr. Little (Real name: Stuartius Albert Darius Prince Little) began publicly experimenting with numerous dubious substances, including 'Super Crack Cocaine', 'LSD Xtreme', 'The People's Heroin', 'Shitmunch', 'The Grim Reaper's Semen', 'Happy Slappy Death Powder', 'Chennessy' and good ol' fashioned strong alcoholic spirits. He was also widely criticised for his continuous racist comments made to the press, the most publicised being his labelling of Romanian people as "rapists from another dimension".
Recently, Little been going through some "serious psychological shit", leading him to reserve parking spaces at rehab centres in every city he visited.
His self-inflicted death, seen by many as both inevitable and a cause for celebration, happened at 4:35AM today when he ran into a nest of killer wasps covered in marmalade and dog faeces. He was later buried at sea.
Lifelong friend and ex-lover Osama Bin Laden spoke from beyond the grave exclusively to IllogiNews, saying that while Little was one of his "homies", he feared that he could "seriously piss some people off" in his new home, Hell.
Prior to his death, Stuart became a renowned rapper in New York City, known by the name of 'Pimp Squeak', releasing his first and last album, 'Little Mouse, Big City', which featured songs that would later be sued for slander by 20th Century Fox and Disney. Some of his victims were Remy from the hit porno Ratatouille and Roddy who drowned in his own piss. The ownership of his music is now in the hands of his ex-wife 'Margalo', who has now married Remy in an act of spite.