IllogiZoo:Szori

Szori
Northern White Szori perched on a carpet square, which is outside for some reason
Conservation Status
Least Concern
Kingdom	Animalia
Phylum	Vertebrata
Class	Mammalia
Order	Lagomorpha
Family	Bunovolan
Genus	Flatulepus
Species	F. Flatulepus
Width	0.30m (avg)
Length	0.30m (avg)
Binomial Name
Flatulepus Flatulepus (F. Idiot, 2010)

Szori (/szɔɹaɪ/) known in their native country of New Australia as Hover Bears, and in their adopted home of England as Those Blasted Fur Balloons are small-to-medium spherical mammals believed to be of the rabbit family, although this is contested, and several scientists were arrested after the argument escalated into one of history's largest 'Yo Mama' contests.

Habitat & Range

Originally native to the region now known as New Australia, Szori have migrated as far north as England (and possibly, Antarctica, although there is no evidence for this aside from some questionable Antarctican texts which nobody can read anyway, some scientists believe this constitutes evidence, the remaining scientists remind them to shut the fuck up and return to their seats) where they are an invasive species. Strangely, Szori do not occur in America or Super America, a fact which the English are quick to brag about, despite their deep-seated hatred for the animal.
Unsurprisingly, the Americans have yet to discover this, and continue to attempt to import them, only to be rebuffed. This is believed to be a major cause of the War of The English and Americans, and the recent fistfight in the corridor.

Characteristics and anatomy

Szori have almost fully spherical bodies, due largely to the gas bladders that line the gut wall, which store and release Holeium, allowing Szori to float. Their short, stubby legs are kept tucked against their body, the fur is most commonly long and soft.

Venom

Perhaps the most intriguing feature of the Szori's anatomy is it's venom. For reasons not yet known, the Szori possess a pair of fangs which inject a strange toxin that causes it's victim's bodies to produce Holeium, and grow fur similar to it's own.
This is widely considered a useless offensive and defensive ability, and further study is needed to determine the method of action on which this works. The effect is usually temporary.

Diet

At night, Szori feed on their favourite foods, the spider tree, Oak, and if they can locate one, the Flying tree. During the day, the southern subspecies feed upon scorpion, while the northern subspecies seek and eat seafood, such as breadfish and crab, as well as any food it can get from inattentive persons. Both eat Neopets and fnurdle.

Breeding

Szori reproduce psychically, meaning the two szori need only to come in close proximity of one another to complete copulation. Despite this, they have an incredibly complex mating ritual that is not yet understood by modern biology, future biology and possibly past biology. Many theories abound as to why the species engage in such seemingly unnecessary and dangerous behaviour, but we'll not get into that because we're running out of scientists that haven't been jailed for assaulting one another.

Often mistaken for a hat, the Szori enjoys protection during it's mating season in Russia and France.

One thing that is known is that some Szori suffer from a condition known as 'AT&T Disorder', where the signal fails to reach it's intended target, due to a bad connection. It appears Szori have a method of remedying this, but most afflicted individuals refuse treatment, for fear of loosing their cool phone.

Once the mating ritual is complete, the female will search for a suitable nesting site to lay her egg, the preferred site being the head of a blonde honey badger or more rarely a blonde horse or maned lioness. Shethen does not move for three months, relying on stored fat to keep the egg warm and herself alive. Because of this, they are often mistaken for hats, in Russia and France, they are protected from removal by an international law that incidentally also covers actual hats.

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