Lemon fish hair

Lemon fish hair is a rather sour matter; there was once a documenthairy covering it, but it was kind of fishy, and the salmon moose - thus confusing it for salmon - ate it.

And so, the knowledge once again fell into obscurity; the knowledge of the evils of lemon fish hair. The evilly evil evils. Evilly evil in an evilly evil way!

The Conspiracy

Ah, yes, the conspiracy; ever so omnivorous, ever so friendly and happily giggling. Wait, did I say omnivorous? I meant to say omin-AAARGH!!!

...

Shoo, shoo, sinister food! Trying to munch on me, eh? Wait... What is this food? Lemons, fish... And it looks kind of, kinda h-hairy! Th-they are on to me! I must be quick, quickly quacking about the quackingly quick quacks necessarily emitted during this, this... Most important, world-changing presentation I must give, must finish to every cost!

I must hurry, be very speedy in my informing of the world, not wasting a single second. Hurry, lest the world be doomed! The ways of the conspiracy must not be left untold!

Yes! Yes? Where was I? Oh, yes, this food... *crunch!* Aaah! Ah; that's it! Giggling; the travesty is giggling! Magma-filled touchpads are laughing their evil giggle even as I write! There is no doubt; the magma has been bubbling up inside the secret, sinister headquarters of touchpad manufacturers for years on end. No one has ever suspected it before, but I know better! Seemingly benign-looking laptops do not fool me!

The Legacy

The purposes of lemon fish hair remains unknown, though it no doubt operates on a very large scale. It has hair-spies everywhere, even on your very own head. There should be no reason to worry, though, unless it comes into contact with lemon - in which case you will instantaneously turn into fish. Doubtlessly.

As for its origins, recent discoveries of ancient scripture have shed some light upon this mystery:

Of stone slabs made of carrots it came, gargling giggle dwindling of ooze. Evil cables muttered thus; "gutter the mutter unless it flutters!" Zonks were heard, moose became beard, and sinister stuffings were made of flufflings.

Through careful analysis by highly regarded experts in the field of Fluffology, it has become clear that the above passage refers to no less than the advent of hairiness as moose became the unwitting victims of a sour plot.

The reason for the sourness of the plot is commonly held to stem from no less than the planting of lemon, no doubt done by vengeful fish - perhaps seeking revenge upon the very soil that stranded them. The sour mood of the fish no doubt further contributed to the sourness of the sinister plot.

Thus, it became not merely a sinisterly sour plot, but also a sourly sinister one. How the lemon managed to grow up having been planted with such sour and sinister intentions in such sinisterly sour soil remains a mysteriously mysterious mystery.