Rancid Milk War

The Rancid Milk War

Meesus Mice Vs Shmao Zowdong

Early Conflicts

The infamous Rancid Milk War began in late 1923 after the Cleveland Rancid Milk Fair was stormed by Meesus Mice supporters. This sparked the first conflict between the groups. Shmao Zowdong supporters, led by the great man himself attempted to make peace with the Meesus Mice faction, however, they were cut short when an angry Spaniard named El Derrik The Destroyer cannonballed through a soggy patch in the ceiling, instantly ending the lives of around half on the Shmao supporters. The general public took pity in Shmao and his troops and therefore was funded by the Bcbkye and his many connections. Outraged by this, Meesus Mice concluded that the Shmaoists must meet their inevitable doom.

Battle Of Shmunguss Hill

On the 5th of may, 1924, after countless attempts for peace, Meesus launched the first offensive. A batallion of 150,000 armed soldiers stormed the Shmaoist encampment in North-South Dakota and began the battle. The Battle of Shmunguss Hill (as it was later dubbed) was one of the most brutal conflicts in history. No prisoners survived, all were gutted and hung on spikes instantly. Eventually a standstill occured when the great Shmungus Hill fell, providing cover for the remaining 30,052 Shmaoists to flee.

The Siege Of The Left Half Of Birmingham

The Shmaoists fled to Birmingham where they gathered resources and reinforcements. However, the Meesus supporters were never far behind and soon enough cornered the Shmaoists in the left half of Birmingham. And on the 24th of June, 1924, a stalemate was reached and for over 4 years they lay in wait at the walls of the left half of Birmingham, until, El Derrik The Destroyer came storming through Meesus' ranks complaining about the lack of hot water in room Nº5. This spread panic and confusion allowing the Shmaoists to launch their long awaited counter attack using an intricate system of flaming ropes, duct-tape and gasoline. Within a matter of hours, over 120,000 of the 145,000 were brutally massacred and the the Meesus supporters had to seek refuge in the sewers.

Battle Of The Birmingham Sewers

Tank that Meesus used in the Battle Of The Birmingham Sewers

Shmao Zowdong being completely chill in his final moments.

At this point, both armies knew that they either died a horrible yet heroic death or won a brutal and gruesome victory. There was no making peace now.
Each leader, commanding his armies of roughly 130,000 strong each, set out to wage war. On the 14th of April, 1929, after raising his armies and preparing for months the Shmaoists along with Shmao Zowdong himself carried out a surprise attack on the Birmingham Sewers. Although they had the element of surprise, the Meesus supporters knew the terrain well. The Shmaoists easily took out many battalions of Meesus' soldiers however the alarm was soon raised and the real battle began. Many survivors of that battle claim that it was the most horrific bloodbath they have ever witnessed.

I couldn't tell who was friend or foe....... *bzzzzt*.... DESTROY, DALEKS DESTROY....... *BZZZZWwwwwooopppp* ....shutting down.
-Stephen Hawking

The battle was going badly for Shmao Zowdong and he knew his end was near. He was attack from the side by a small group of highly trained soldiers led by Meesus Mice. He was captured and beaten to death with glasses (the ones you drink from, not the ones you wear) as Meesus though it would be a sad yet fitting and ironic end for him (see the record for The Most Glasses Balanced On One's Fingertips At Once). Meesus still regrets bludgeoning his friend to death however he still stands by his statement;
"I needed the money"