Rivetheads

This article was too bizarre for Uncyclopedia,   but Illogicopedia loves random stuff.

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Note: I'm consciously ignoring the don't be stupid policy, since it is funny to have a useless page about Rivetheads that are Scary German people that eat Ravers, Goths, and everyone else for that matter. They are the elite of society, and consequently are scarce since elite isn't in the dictionary anymore since President Bush insists that it is a conspiracy of the little green men that are underneath his desk. Further reports have yet to determine whether they are real, or whether they are not, like The president's Energy Plan.

Freaks

The true art of Rivetdom is one obtained only by the chosen freaks. These individuals crush the lesser rivetvolk with their combat boots and knowledge of bands that are so obscure, only the band and the rivethead in question know of it's existence. They speak a combination of German and their native tongue, or total German if they are from Germany, or they enjoy scaring the shit out of general populace 'because it's funny'. They can instantaneously recite any of their favorite songs with the appropriate vocals and or spew out insanely long german compound words, like "STAMMZELLENFORSCHUNG!!!!" to subdue their prey.

For you see, the überleet are almost at the top of the food chain and consequently can also strike from the shadows, skullfuck you, and suddenly dissappear into thin air. They are experts on the art of controlling zombie outbreaks and or large rave parties. Really, there isn't a difference between the two. They both must be eliminated.

Now, onto the dress

Only the überleet can rightfully wear jackboots or wear any industrial clothing for that matter. Some of the lesser attempt this feat, but are quickly found out, stripped, and put into a large acid vat for safe disposal. The clothes are then shipped to a secret laboratory in Essen, Deutschland in a biohazard container for proper sterilization.

The Creative Rivetvolk are even higher than the überleet, for they make the music and sounds that everyone below them gets hornier for than the hot chick/dude that sits by them in class. They control the music, so they have a distinct advantage over the other Rivetvolk. Really, they are the ones with an I.Q. higher than 117 and a keyboard that they bought from the local pawnshop and obtain samples from their uncle's engineering shop.

Habitat

You can find these rare creatures in the following locations: German classrooms, Shop classrooms, anywhere dark and secluded, Industrial sites, Factories, military installations, anywhere too scary for normal people. You can detect their presence if there are a large number of dead goths, ravers, emos, Communists, Gangstaz, Preps, Jocks, Posers and other such worthless scumbags around an entrance to somewhere dark and scary.

There will be strange sounds eminating from the entrance, in the form of Industrial-Metal, or TerrorEBM, depending on the subspecies local to the geographical location in which this reader is trying to enter. On first sight, they will attack you and attempt to hang you with your intestines. You can only stun a Rivethead, since all forms of [Un-Conventional warfare have no effect on them. To stun one, you must place a female rivethead, or commonly known as a RivetBitch in front of a male rivethead. It won't work on females since they dominate the males and the males don't seem to mind this at all.

When this is accomplished, you are free to cross the scary dark place since the RivetBitch is fucking all the males and or torturing them to display her dominance. This breed of freaks are all lead by Rammstein, who in turn secretly runs the world. Plans to assassinate Trent Reznor and Marilyn Manson are underway, according to uncomfirmed sources...... Rivetheads are Not Nazis for the most part, but they do believe that everyone, irregardless of whatever the fuck they are, is inferior to them. They also can make Police Officers, Riot Control Officers and Military Personnel suddenly dissappear with a simple nod of their head.

Parting note

The author of this paper doesn't give a shit about this article anymore, so he'll go back to being owned by the RivetBitch that caught him and locked him up in her basement Kuz she thinks he's 'a keeper'. Since He is in the basement with no computer or anything else to stimulate him, he sucks off dogs. why? no