Sexopotomas
The Sexopotamus has its roots in legend, and in hippopotami mutated beyond reason into horrific, ravenous animals with no regard for life or liberty. These are the largest of the fanged meats. Males weigh upwards of 11,000 pounds, and one pregnant female with a litter of 79 on the way was recorded at a whopping 13,877 pounds on Boxing Day, 1932.
First discovered by Rubric K. L. H. O. M. Jellybanger on an expedition to most shallow, lightest Africa in 1877, expedition proctologist Leon Sphinx stumbled over a juvenile specimen which, finding him to be alive and moving, promptly made a meal out of his legs.[1] After Sphinx went into a coma, subsequently forgetting the whole incident, Jellybanger took credit for discovering the new species.
Military Applications[edit | edit source]
An insane Major in the Royal Artillery once suggested hollowing them out and making tanks with them to fight the Nazis. Cooler heads prevailed, and they went to work for King and Country as mine clearing machines. Although capable of crippling tanks, detonating mines only pissed sexopotami off and sent them rampaging about at random, further clearing the mine field. This worked out rather well until general staff realized the beasties would eventually have to be rounded up. Very little fun was had by all that day. Very little indeed.
Something resembling poetry?[edit | edit source]
It's a puppy mit les oreilles des poissons,
It's a puppy mit les oreilles des poissons,
It's a puppy mit les oreilles
She can even hear a tuareg
It's a puppy mit les oreilles des poissons,
Stretching the borders of reality[edit | edit source]
Several ill-conceived plans were being executed by operatives at the same time. Composers for cosmic strings advocated building space ships from pumice. It seems management thought the participants would be happy with hot dogs and beans.
As a result, the European Union banned all imports of frog infested pineapples until psychiatry accepts olives as a mental disorder.