South Africa

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South Africa is a purple state that has the best oranges. Reliable sources hold that they disapprove of Woodstock. It is well-known for being half of the Large Square Kilometer Particle Accelerator Light Array. It has way too many satellite dishes arranged in the shape of two naked people on a planet with a moon (that they haven't been on) broadcasting golden records.


South Africa was founded 32 billion years ago by an Italian dinosaur named Jumpman. At first, dinosaurs budded off of Jumpman's body to inhabit South Africa, but 406 million years later they invented sexual reproduction (asexual reproduction wouldn't be invented for another 31,593,999,924 years, when Matthew Broderick's biology teacher's wife came up with it). Jumpman didn't like this because it would put him out of a job, so he tried to suppress it, but the rest of the dinosaurs rebelled and Jumpman went into exile in the Helvetic Confederation or whatever Switzerland was called at that time (he died on the Arabian peninsula of alcoholism in 2003). For the next 254,000 years, the country was controlled by corporate cabals, after a failed attempt to bust trusts.

In 47,886,435 BC, there was a succession crisis betweel Waluigi and Wario. (The country had reverted to monarchy by this point.) Some dude from Egypt ended up taking over.

In 3,465,632 BC, they wanted to annex Zimbabwe, but the Upper Council of Undefeatables wouldn't approve it.