Welcome to Biscathorpe!
a lonely city found somewhere in the U.S.
Page 1[edit | edit source]
Here at Biscathorpe, we are commited to making the best life possible for all of the people who live here. We provide them with a first-grade education and a dumpster to call home. We live near Lake Toxic Waste (see Page 2) which is full of healthy fish that are perfectly normal despite being dead and having three eyes because of the toxic waste in the lake. You should take a dip in the lake in your free time! And also at Biscathorpe you will find the town famous because that's the only place it's been World Famous Road Kill and Motor Oil Pie (see Page 3)! Ask Grandma Pumpkin for a slice down at the Poisoned Food Resturaunt. Also, Biscathorpe is full of amazing wild life that you can always find dead on the road (see Page 4). That's where Grandma Pumpkin gets her "secret ingredient" for her pie. Don't Forget to check out new Chucky McChucksters Theme Park For Children Below the Age of 2 Months Old (see Page 5)! It is full of fun activities. And we also have a sports field (see Page 6) fit for the pros. Not to mention our town Mascot (see Page 4)!Well, There you have it! For further information look at the following pages or go ask the friendly man at the local newsstand. If he's sleeping you have to punch him to make him to wake up.
Page 2[edit | edit source]
Here at Biscathorpe, we are proud to be the town with the most ugly and disgusting lake that ever walked the planet beautiful Lake in the United States. Lake Toxic Waste is the U.S.'s leader in fish killed due to water pollution and People killed due to water pollution (That is why our population is so small). Still, Olympic class swimmers grew up swimming in this lake, and they went to the Biscathorpe Intratown Olympics. One won the gold medal! Well, that's because he was the only swimmer. Oh well. And he died later that night. But still our lake is so beautiful and fun to swim in, not to mention it smells like compost and beer. And when you drink it it tastes like beer, too! How delightful! For all of you party-ers out there this is the lake for you!
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Behold, the item that makes Biscathorpe so special... The ROAD KILL and MOTOR OIL PIE! This pie is made by good old Grandma Pumpkin, the inventor and poster-girl of the pie making industry. She has a list of super ingredients that blend together to make a wholesome and carcinogenic pie that town celebrities have eaten. The pies title is WORLD FAMOUS, even though one of her pies hasn't even left her resturaunt. Her resturaunt, called Poisoned Food Resturaunt, is the most successful resturaunt in Biscathorpe. She also includes poached fish from Lake Toxic Waste, weeds, and dirt-coffee on her menu. If you feel like having a bit to eat, drop by Poisoned Food Resturaunt for a gourmet meal made by Grandma Pumpkin.
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Here in Biscathorpe, we have a ton of wildlife and natural wonders. Take, for example, our mascot, Road Run'n Rabbit. He is the heart and soul of our wonderful little town. His energy is unbelievable for a dead rabbit on the middle of the road that has been rotting and covered in maggots for nearly 2 decades now, he is the most energized and energetic person in the city! We also have vegitation, including weeds with a hint of grass. All of the grass is on our sports complex. There are two trees within sight of the northern dumpster and neck high weeds surrounding our beautiful village. If you ever want to take pictures of animals, our roads are full of them. You can find diposable cameras over at the newsstand I was talking about before. The one with the sleeping guy, remember? Also, the site of a Snowman does happen about once a decade.
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The newest edition to Biscathorpes group of entertainment is Chucky McChucksters Theme Park For Children Below the Age of 2 Months Old. The theme park was constructed in 1975 for, as it says, children under the age of 2 months. The park is filled with fake rides that draw your eye. In reality, there is only one that fuctions and that is the Torture Machine. The ride shoots you out of a cannon into Lake Toxic Waste. It's actually quite fun if you live to tell the tale like I have, but if you don't, well, that's too bad. Anyway, admission is for people below the age of 2 months old, therefore making it very hard to actually sell any tickets. In fact, the place hasn't sold one. It is now run-down and dilapidated and there hasn't been a person in it since 1984.
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Do ever have the incredible urge to go play a sport? Well, here in Biscathorpe, we have our own Sports Park. The park itself is suitable for the pros. You can play tag, football, baseball - any sport you can imagine! This field will get the wiggles out of you or satisfy your incredible need to play some obscure sport like water polo (no pool included). Our field is maintained by top of the line landscapers, or you could just says that sleeping guy at the newsstand. He takes great care of our park and makes sure it is suitable for any game at any time. He keeps the grass green and cut like a baseball field, you know, with all of the cool patterns. He makes the Sports Complex something this small town is very proud of.
Last Page[edit | edit source]
Well, I hope this Guide helped you in your tour through Biscathorpe. We hope you had an excellent time strolling through our city that has been voted the Worst Best looking city within two inches of Biscathorpe for 107 straight years. Don't forget to tell your friends abut our World Famous Road Kill and Motor Oil Pie! And Hopefully you aren't dead from swimming in Lake Toxic Waste.