World War V/Bizarro V
World War V' (also known as World War 5) is a future global war between The New British Empire and The Alliance of Awesome Countries (AAC). It shall begin when some countries everyone hates allied to combat the New British Empire's plan to take over The World. It is considered 'the most intense war as it skipped the last two', says Peter Griffin.
The Actual War[edit | edit source]
The First Bit of the fun[edit | edit source]
The fun finally started in 5, when German troops invaded Britain . They then proceeded to thoroughly whupp the asses of the in the battle of the awesome German cars and the battle of the house of Germany's least racist leader.The victorious Beasts then went and painted swastikas on walls.
Worried that Britain would attack them next, but lacking Sat-Navs due to the effects of World War IV, the Fascist League of South America launched a pre-emptive strike against the New British Empire by invading the USA. By the end of 2068, Britain occupies southern China and the rich bit of Germany, while South America owns the USA and the commercialized states apart from New York and Idaho, as no-one wants Idaho. After protests by the Idahoians in January 2069 about unfair it was that they hadn't been conquered and enslaved by Latin Hitler impressionists, South America bombed Idaho, New York and Canada, which meant that the South Americans had finally hit the place they were aiming for (New British Empire). Luckily, all the Fascist bombers got killed by wooden bi-planes, which shows how little Canada matters to everyone who isn't Canadian, but also that the Canadians can fly planes pretty damn good. In response to this minor annoyance, the New British Empire's finest and most evil minds were told to create a new breed of superweapons.
The FUN, part 8732897596230453462743642ß69ß452ß645624ß682456456[edit | edit source]
By May 2069, the first of The British Empire's new superweapons were ready - Super Toasters, capable of launching 10 megaton slices of toast at ranges of up to 100 miles. These massive slices of bread were capable of flattening entire cities, but as they were naturally decomposable, the Super Toaster became the first WMD accepted by Greenpeace. Super Toasters were also mounted on warships to bombard coastlines. These Naval Super Toasters were armed with smaller pieces of toast as well as the 10 megaton slices, for ship to ship combat. Naval Super Toasters were deployed to the South Atlantic to prepare for an invasion of the Fascist League of South America from the Falklands (irony again used as a British tactic).
Super Toasters are used to devastating effect in the battle of Cleveland, Ohio, when a massive toast barrage from across the great lakes destroyed most of the fascist forces there. Unfortunately, Russia decided to attack the British colony of Latvia, while Britain was fighting in America. The British army in Eastern Europe was pushed out of Russia and Latvia and had to go home, while Twat troops also attacked British troops in Europe and China. Luckily more British troops, tanks, planes, dogs and Super Toasters were used to attack the Twats, and Margaret Thatcher used all the milk she has stolen over the years to drown three entire Chinese armies.
Meanwhile the leader of Zimbabwe, cyber-Mugabe, used the trillions of dollars of tax he gets from every Zimbabwean to create a super army of zombies to attack British troops in Africa. Unfortunately the zombies went on the rampage and ate everyone in Zimbabwe, turning them into Zombies. Zombie-cyber-Mugabe then used his zombie army to invade neutral South Africa in February 2070. The South Africans tried to fight the Zimbabwean zombies but surrendered and were eaten. As punishment, South Africa had signs like this put up all over their towns and cities...
France, meanwhile, trying to defend what was left of its glorious empire, decides to mock the British across the English Channel. The British respond by dropping hot crumpets and tea on key French positions in Normandy.
Phase 759964078058ß7768467357 of the war[edit | edit source]
In mid 2070 Zombie-Zimbabwe left the Alliance of Twat Countries, so it could turn them into zombies too. The fascists then tried to attack New York, but were defeated by British Super Toaster attacks before the fascists reached New York City. The New British Empire also unleashed its newest superweapons - the Avril Lavigne Sonic Blaster, a weapon that fires the concentrated sound of Avril Lavigne singing, is fatal with one shot, and was developed by Canadian scientists. Australian scientists also created the RPD (Rocket Propelled Dingo)launcher for the British Imperial army which was used to deadly effect against fascist forces in America.
Tanks equipt with Avril Lavigne Sonic Blasters destroyed many Fascist armies and RPDs proved so effective that by December 2070, the Fascist South American armies had retreated to Mexico, but some Fascist troops stayed in Nevada to go gambling, and some stayed round at Barack Obama's retirement home in California because they believed the nutjobs who said Obama was just like Hitler.
In Africa Zimbabwean zombies continued to look for BBBRRRAAAIIIINNNSSSSSSSSSSSSSS..... and some sailed by boat to Italy and ate lots of Italians.
Luckily, Super Toasters were able to destroy many zombies by the end of 2070. The end of 2070 was also when the New British Empire invaded Argentina from the Falklands and bombarded Buenos Aires with Naval Super Toasters. The Fascists took many casualties in Buenos Aires, but were able to carry on fighting in the Pampas and North Mecico. Many fascist troops attempted to hide among the general population of Mexico by wearing sombreros and ponchos, but were given away by lack of random happy shouting.
The end of the war[edit | edit source]
By mid-2071, the New British Empire was ready to attack in China, Latvia and Germany. The first Roflcopters were deployed in an attack on Vietnam in July 2071.[[Image:Roflcopter.gif|left|thumb|360px|Roflcopters attack Vietnam in the deadliest arial assault in the history of man. 463,987,001 Vietnamese and Chinese troops were killed in this assault, and another 663,884,002 were injured.
British troops also pushed deep into China, thousands of Orientals being slain by Avril Lavigne Sonic Blasters and RPD launchers. Shanghai was subject to Super Toaster attack and was then painted green. The RAF bombed Russia with deadly banana bombs, which destroyed large sections of the Russian army. This was followed by massive British offensives across the globe.British troops then invaded and occupied neutral Finland and Estonia, to use to invade Russia and Russian owned Latvia. Through liberal use of Super Toasters, Avril Lavigne Sonic Blasters and Rocket Propelled Dingo launchers, British troops succeeded in something no one had ever done before - successfully conquer Western Russia.
The World during the war[edit | edit source]
2068[edit | edit source]
2069[edit | edit source]
BEEEEEEEP