World War V
| World War V | |
|---|---|
 A British soldier cleanses a foreign soldier from the Earth. | |
| Conflict: World War V | |
| Date: August 11, 2068–November 33, 2072 | |
| Place: Global | |
| Outcome: New British Empire Win | |
| Combatants | |
| Alliance of Twat countries (Zimbabwe, Russia, China, Germany, Vietnam, Italy, Japan) Fascist League of South America | New British Empire |
| Commanders | |
| Chief twat Vigo the Dictator | King Tony The Conquerer |
| Strength | |
| 227,245,042 | 101,000,000 |
| Casualties | |
| 149,372,666 | 425 |
World War V is a future global war between The British Empire and The Alliance of Twat Countries (ATC). It shall begin when some countries everyone hates allied to combat the New British Empire's plan to take over The World.
Background[edit | edit source]
Following World War IV, the Fascist League of South America was now in control of most of South America. Meanwhile, Britain decided to make another empire. France surrendered 38 minutes after the British invasion, and Belgium, Holland and Luxembourg joined Britain because of an offer of free biscuits. Canada, Australia and India then join as well because they remembered how fun the old British Empire was. Britain then goes and conquers loads of of other random bits of the world for fun. This caused Russia, China and other twatish countries to form the Alliance of Twat countries, because they were scared of the big nasty Britain.
The First bit of the War[edit | edit source]
The war finally started in 2068, when British troops invaded Germany through the Ardennes (oh the irony!). They then proceeded to thoroughly whupp the asses of the German army in the battle of the crappy German cars and the battle of the house of Germany's least racist leader.The victorious Brits then went and painted swastikas on walls. British troops in India then invaded China, killed some Chinamen (the ones with guns) and then forced the Chinese survivors to eat vindaloos. The ultimate humiliation was then unleashed upon China - Margaret Thatcher was brought back from the dead to steal all China's milk and become dictator of the British puppet state of China. Further Imperial attacks into Russia meant that the Alliance of Twat Countries was losing by the end of 2069, only Zimbabwe and Japan had so far escaped attack.
Worried that Britain would attack them first, but lacking Sat-Navs due to the effects of World War IV, the Fascist League of South America launched a pre-emptive strike against the New British Empire by invading the USA. By the end of 2068, Britain owns southern China and the rich bit of Germany, while South America owns the USA and the commercialized states apart from New York and Idaho, as no-one wants Idaho. After protests by the Idahoians in January 2069 about unfair it was that they hadn't been conquered and enslaved by Latin Hitler impressionists, South America bombed Idaho, New York and Canada, which meant that the South Americans had finally hit the place they were aiming for (New British Empire). Luckily, all the Fascist bombers got killed by wooden bi-planes, which shows how little Canada matter to everyone who isn't Canadian. In response to this minor annoyance, the New British Empire's finest and most evil minds were told to create a new breed of superweapons.
The War, part 2[edit | edit source]
By May 2069, the first of The British Empire's new superweapons were ready. Super Toasters, capable of launching 10 megaton slices of toast at ranges of up to 100 miles. These massive slices of bread were capable of flattening entire cities, but as they were naturally decomposable, the Super Toaster became the first WMD accepted by Greenpeace. Super Toasters were also mounted on warships to bombard coastlines. These Naval Super Toasters were armed with smaller pieces of toast as well, for ship to ship combat.
