Yoda
Yoda is a character of Star Wars. He is obviously the most powerful guy in the movies, except for Luke, Darth Vader, Obi-wan, Darth Maul, and basically everyone. Yoda is really old due to eating way way WAY too much green chu jelly. His weapon of choice is a green lightsaber saber sabersword.
Who is Yoda?[edit | edit source]
Yoda is green. Yoda is yummy. In other words, he's a green man who jumps around and slices people into green chu jelly with his greentastic lightsaber saber sabersword.
Yoda vs. Cthulhu[edit | edit source]
Yoda, long a proponent of eComStation, can and often does kick Cthulhu's butt, outperforming the Windows Operating System by parsecs. By carefully storing THE FORCE on the calling stack, Yoda is able to accumulate considerable quantities of spittle.
The long and the short of it is, Cthulhu got his snout bloodied, and ran home crying for his mom. You might imagine his mom is a very ugly creature, indeed. Clever juxtapositions of molecular hydrogen and breakfast cereals were key to the abomination's defeat.
Yoda's Force Powers[edit | edit source]
“Total bulls**t, the Schwartz is”
Yoda has the power of the force. It allows him to jump over, push, choke, and even move really Fat Hippos. The force also allows him to talk in a very weird, raspy voice. Like, really REALLY raspy. In addition to the above the force lets him DANCE!
Yoda's Family[edit | edit source]
There is no doubt that Yoda's brother is Dobby from Harry Potter. They both have long ears and are both green... sort of. Yoda does not actually have parents. Instead he somehow evolved from green chus . But how he became a lightsaber saber sabersword master and Dobby a wierd elf who has a sock is quite a mystery. One theory is that Dobby smells like socks, while Yoda smells like old people. This theory also brings up the question of why they smell so bad.
Appearances in commercials[edit | edit source]
In 2012, Yoda appeared in a television advert for the mobile phone network Vodafone. Not only did this mark the selling of his soul to the capitalist machine, but was so unfunny that Jimmy Savile posthumously declared it as a "bucket of bollocks".
