“I remember watching Star Wars as a kid. I can also remember being sane before doing so.”
Star Wars is a great movie series, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it! I don't care how confusing and corny the plot and character ties may be, it's still cool!
Star Wars: Invention & Intention
“I love Star Wars. But I want Star Wars to burn.”
“It was my intention to frustrate nerds like you. Losers!”
“That's not very nice!”
Star Wars was invented in some time or another by the perilous Darth Santa. It was originally created as a computer virus, which it remains to this day. Hackers and nerds everywhere are constantly stumped by its intense disk infection melee ability and its high fnurdle output ratio. However, some bum named Luke Ass took the sweet name and made a horrib— I mean flippin' sweet movie series out of it that everyone loves. Everyone. And if somebody doesn't like it, I'll just have to kill them, because I love Star Wars and it is the best.
Darth Santa, however, after inventing the virus, infected his own brain with it, and had his head hacked up by a viral lightsaber. That's right, the virus itself had a bunch of micro-electro-mini lightsabers that hacked the core of someone's DOS system (the virus came around in the late 80's). That means Luke Ass even stole that idea from Darth Santa too along with the name! And the stuff about Darth! What a bastard. I mean, God! GOD! Bow down to him. He made the greatest movie saga ever.
In Star Wars there are some movies.
- Star Wars Episode I: The Fantid Crosshair
- Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Boners
- Star Wars Episode III: Rehash of the Smiths
- Star Wars Episode IV: A New Dope
- Star Wars Episode V: The Umpire Strikes Out
- Star Wars Episode VI: Re-run of the Jello
- Ham solo
- Luke wingwalker
- Master soda
- Emperor plantain
- Pizza the hut
- Mace fondue
- C peep io
- Princess mayo
- Count dorku
- The pwn troopers
- Darth tater
How to combat Star Wars
In order to prevent Star Wars from ever infecting one's strangely impressionable and ultimately very, very nerdy mind, one must ensure that, if it ever comes near you you sit on your helicopter's joystick until you receive a subliminal message that you can get off. The diagram to the right will give an example.
Results of Star Wars
- Every actor in the Episodes 4-6 was ruined except Harrison Ford
- The invention of the most annoying movie character in history, Jar Jar Binks
- Tent sales skyrocket when a new movie comes into theaters
- Being a lightsaber salesman is now a profitable job after four centuries of the industry making losses
- People wasting money on collectors' editions of a movie they already have
- Nerds trying to force choke each other