Ceiling mop

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A ceiling mop tester uses the expensive device to remove several frosting stains from anti-gravity cakes.

“We put as much thought into our ceiling mops as we do with our business running. In other words, none.”

~ Company CEO Graham Hamrag

Ceiling mops are the least popular method of roof wiping in any culture in the modern world, which is somewhat unfortunate as much effort, not to mention technical wizardry, goes into creating any individual mop and bucket set. Most notably, said items have to first be gravity proofed –a highly dangerous and magical process– in order to avoid embarrassing unwanted vertical spillages.

The ceiling mop shall forever remain a marketing disaster, consigned to the dustbin alongside New Coke and the Beater Max (the Xtreme egg whisk), for the simple fact a single unit costs over £4,000 ($5,987.02) to manufacture. The rarity of anti-gravity mop-making machines means the world can only afford to produce a single ceiling mop per year, making the product exceptionally rare and a highly collectible item for rich idiots with more money than sense.

Those lucky enough to possess a ceiling mop can enjoy anti-gravity cleaning for a period of six months, at which point the warranty expires and the mop automatically breaks, forcing the owner to purchase a brand new one. Nevertheless, for the period the mop functions, it will remove spider guts, nicotine stains and pancakes from one's roof with relative ease.

Current owners of the ceiling mop include NASA, Arnold Schwarzenegger (certainly not for removing human flesh, oh noooo) and Mabel the Mop Lady at the Continental Museum, Antarctica. There is currently a fifteen-year waiting list for a single ceiling mop, with celebrities such as an unnamed bidder and Bidder #452 presently in line to receive one in the coming years.

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