El Salvador
To be confused with Guatemala due to its microscopic size.
“Where? You mean there? That's Guatemala!”
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| Motto: Q'iondas pen- | |||||
| Anthem: La Bala by Los Hermanos Flores | |||||
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| Capital | San Salvador | ||||
| Largest city | San Salvador | ||||
| Official languages | Spanish, reguetonnero-gang (mara) speak | ||||
| Government | Populist, Capitalist, Center-wing | ||||
| Prime Minister | Nayib Armando Bukele Ortez | ||||
| National Hero(es) | DaFuq!?Boom!, twoplustwoalwaysmakesfive, Rizzler, Silent Penguin | ||||
| Currency | Salvadoran colón (1892-2001), U.S. dollars (2001-present fuq you far-right extremist ARENA or should i say MARENA) | ||||
| Religion | Roman cathy-lick, Protestant | ||||
| Population | 7 million and counting! | ||||
| Area | 8,124 sq mi2 | ||||
| Population density | 2,000/1mi (San Salvador) | ||||
| Ethnic groups | Mestizo | ||||
| Major exports | Gangs | ||||
| Major imports | Gangs | ||||
| National animal | Turquoise-browed motmot (El Torogoz) | ||||
| Favourite pastime | Going to the Cuscatlán Stadium to watch the FAS and Alianza and beat the crap out of everyone 'till 14 are found dead, drinking | ||||
| Opening hours | 24/7 | ||||
| Internet tld | .sv | ||||
| Calling code | +503 | ||||
“No, you need to look with a microscope. (mutters) Douche.”
El Salvador is - wait, where did you say it was again? I can't see it.
Alright, so grab you microscope and look at the very bottom of Mexico.
Okay... very bottom... that's El Salvador?
(annoyingly sarcastic) Nawwww, it's Cuba!
Really? But it says "El-"
JUST GET ON WITH IT!!!
...
El Salvador is an astoundingly tiny Medieval kingdom located somewhere between Middle Earth and your mom's house. Due to it's gargantuan Northern neighbor, Guatemala Mexico, El Salvador is multiplying like bacteria in a Petri dish to maintain a powerful army. Plans for expansion and eventually total conquest of America Central™ have been hanging around for over 100 years, primarily due to the constant shortage of queso fresco, pupusas, yucca frita, and bistek encebollado. El Salvador's leaders are considering adding quetzals from Guatemala to their diet. War, anyone?
History[edit | edit source]
It was once home to the Pipil people in the West (La Libertad) and the Lencas in the East (San Miguel). Then the Spanish came and nearly wiped out both entire races, until in 1932 far-right dic(k)tator Maximilliano commited genocide with his own hands and killed 32,000 in a single day or so. Thought this was the end? Oh, frick no! Then 40 years later some communist far-left teens felt like revolting against the system and that revolt killed 80,000 people in the process. (They never said even "sorry!" even when they came to power.) This revolt lead to a social war between gangs that continued until His Holiness Nayib Bukele declared a state-of-exception that lead the country to have the highest incarceration rate in the world, with 1% of the population behind bars. Literally, El Salvador is just a whole mess of a country as says Donald Trump.
Geography[edit | edit source]
A boatload of volcanoes, 65% of the entire damn country is covered by rainforests, is right next to the Pacific Ocean for some killer waves, and whatever isn't a volcano is a mountain, tons of Mayan temples that get mistaken for mountains because of their huge size.
Notable People from There[edit | edit source]
- Hasn't this article made it clear already as to is the only notable person from there? THIS GUY!!!