“I'm not rich, I just have great mountains of cash in my livingroom that I like to play in. Remember that show Duck Tales anyone? It came out a few years after I died.”
“A rich person is defined as anyone who makes more than minimum wage. Unless they're me.”
Rich people are people who are high in essential nutrients, mostly Fiber and Vitamin D. Rich People mainly come in the form of Arabs, Heiresses, Cowboys and Astronauts, but all to often there just Assholes
How to identify rich people[edit | edit source]
- Frequent comments of you or your actions temperature.
- A vocabulary of only 500 words or less.
- Take a bite out of their leg or arm and and it will taste like a mixture of gin tabasco sauce and dog hair.
- Has a hat (the larger the richer).
- Speaks Arabic
- If a giant turd in a glass display case is placed upon their mantle in their pristine fireplaces.
- If a person falls into any of these categories they are rich in nutrients.
How to identify an un-rich person[edit | edit source]
- Frequently urinates in a toilet not made out of gold.
- Eats only three times a day.
- Can distinguish a man from a woman.
- They don't reproduce with their mothers... well, not too often anyways.
- They have minimal rights
Their bottoms like to be spanked
How to ingest[edit | edit source]
The most important step is to sever the subjects head if this step isn't preformed you may be eaten by the eyes of the rich person and become a new host body for the rich person. After the head is severed feed the head to a hobo. Then eat the body whole NO CHEWING!
Eating people is discouraged in most countries and will probably result in your friends (assuming you have any) rejecting you.
But hey! Think of the benefits Five weeks of not having to eat fiber, making your bowels very happy, and you will receive five weeks
of vitamin D meaning you won't have to go outside for five whole weeks. (you mainly get vitamin D from the suns UV rays and moldy tacos)