The Complete Anthology of Apologies for All Crimes Committed Since the Dawn of Time, Volume One

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An apology follows, but first, the admissions of guilt:

In Music[edit]

Clarification: But some other jerk removed all of the adult content I added. What gives?
  • I put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp,
I put the ram in the rama lama ding dong,
I put the bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop?
I put the dip in the dip da dip da dip?
Clarification: I didn't do it to make your baby fall in love with you. That was a completely unintentional side effect. I suppose I'm happy for you, but keep your grubby hand to yourself. Thanks.

On Television[edit]

In Politics[edit]

In Products and Inventions[edit]

  • I created New Coke, but also suggested Crystal Pepsi to their competitors just to keep the playing field even.
  • I didn't create HeadOn, but I did create the advertisements.
  • I developed Teflon, knowing full well you'd buy it on those non-stick frying pans, and knowing even more fully well that it would eventually flake-off in nice carcinogenic bits.

And Now... An Apology[edit]

Sorry about that. Really. And sorry for not apologizing for each of those things individually. The aim here was to conserve space. Honestly. And apologies as well for some of those terribly rude clarifications up there.

Additionally, it was somewhat misleading, and by "misleading" I mean to say an outright lie to call this an Anthology of Apologies when it is, in fact, an Anthology of Crimes. Kindly consider us sorry for that as well.

So... we're good?


(In retrospect, this single, all-encompassing apology was really the way to go.)