U2

Smell?

U2 is a group of American embassy employees disguised as a Canadian film crew, I mean, a group of American Air Force pilots disguised as an Irish rock band. Their album Songs of Innocence became the best-selling album of all time since AOL's Version 3.0. However, their most famous album is The Joshua Tree. Seriously, what is it with 80's bands and plants???

The line up consists of Colin Travelworthy, Deveant Weightgain, Trevor O'Noyudint and Joseph Radomski, all of whom failed their Spanish lessons. On occasion they gather with large groups of humans to make horrible noises.

The noises! Ye gods, the noises! With few exceptions, wildlife shits itself and runs at the hint of it. It's so awful it has a scent. Fossils have been seen reanimate get to get the hell away from it. Most fans seek outpatient treatment once they realize what what crotch-punching hell they've been subjecting their ears and minds to. Even Nick Danger, Third Eye investigated them for non-payment of taxes, thrust his head into a cement mixer for blessed relief.

Chinese prisons ban their noises for being in humane. Charities offer to return the money if they'll only for the love of man and heaven stop! Vice President Pence wants to use it to turn gay people straight, and he's pretty confident it will work if they're forced. Space aliens which don't exist have lodged formal complaints with the United Nations.

Speculative trivia

• U2 tried to turn the Cold War hot, but failed, much to the chagrin of Hillary Clinton, and George Patton, had he still been alive.
• Playing U2 songs backwards may solve the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. "2U" is a word that has been used by both Sinead O'Connor, who converted to Islam, and David Guetta, who also used the word l'chaim in a song he wrote, feat. Justin Bieber, who is (yet another) Canadian, who have a reputation for being pacifists. This will totally bring the two sides together and I see no way this can go wrong?