25669 Kristinrose

Hello there, and please allow me to introduce myself. My name is 25669 Kristinrose, although some people prefer to call me 2000 AJ₉₅.

What do I do for a living? Well, I'm a planet. Some people choose to call me a minor planet, which is very hurtful. I consider myself to be fairly major. I'm the largest of my friends here in this asteroid belt, and I'm one of the few sentient planets that I know.

I've been fairly lonely up here, and until recently nobody down there has bothered to notice me. I mean I've been around since before time had any real meaning. And by that I mean that there was nobody intelligent enough to actually be able to measure it. Sure, things did happen - there was cause, and then there was effect, and not everything happened all at once. But if there's no-one around to say that, for example, that two and a half minutes has passed. Now there's an entire planet of you who know exactly how long the average teenage boy takes to orgasm. Which, when you think about it, is kind of a perverse thing to know. Why are you all so interested in the nocturnal - and diurnal - emissions of your early pubescents?