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Santa can eat your face, if he wants to.

Ron Paul Hi, kids, I'm Ron Paul, inventor of such awesome devices as the puppy taser, and I'm here today to introduce the Ronco Chopulator by RonCo. It's the easiest, messiest and coolest way to dispose of a body (up to 385 kilograms) that can legally be obtained in the continental United States and Taiwan. Can I have an endorsement, please?

Dick Cheney Hi, Dick "Dick" Cheney here to support a product I appreciate both as a Vice-president and a torture enthusiast. I'm here to tell you, after torturing dozens hapless civilians, the last thing you want to hear at the end of a shift is, "We've got another dead one, boss". What to do? I'll tell you what.

The Chopulator will render an average male corpse (allowing for starvation) in 67 seconds flat. Messy, sure, but that's the fun! Blood and gore flying about guarantees the rush that can only come with real realism!

Ask yourself, what gift could your entire family appreciate more than a shiny new Chopulator under the Christmas tree?


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