Prostate-specific antigen

Four two-week-old female lab mice

Prostate-specific antigen (PSA) is a compound first discovered in two weak old female mice that had been kept in cages with plastic-coated metal bars exactly 1.47 meters above the floor in dimly lit rooms at 26.4°C and fed carrots by a male handler wearing polyester gloves. Using mass spectrophotometry, it can be observed only on Thursdays falling on odd days of the month, although nuclear magnetic resonance spectroscopy can also detect it on Tuesdays falling on odd days of the month. Standard procedure for extracting the chemical is to remove the mouse from her cage and hold her gently on aluminium foil while a colleague draws 10.3 μL of blood using a needle-syringe system.

Research is currently underway to determine whether PSA production is actually a stress response. If it is, further studies will determine if it is part of the heat, light, water, salt, pH, oxidation, or psychological stress response, taking several decades and billions of dollars that can somehow be traced back to taxpayers.

See also

Main article: Redundancy

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