Prostate-specific antigen

From Illogicopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Two week old female lab mice. One of them was named "Gee Lie Bee Lie Peat Rate" by the weirdos in the lab.

Prostate-specific antigen (PSA) is a compound found in 2 week old female mice that have been kept in cages with plastic encoated metal bars exactly 1.47 meters above the floor in dimly lit rooms at 26.4°C and handled by male handlers wearing polyester gloves who have eaten carrots in the past 3 hours. Using mass spectrophotometry, it can only be observed on Thursdays falling on odd days of the month, although nuclear magnetic resonance spectroscopy can also detect it on Tuesdays falling on odd days of the month. Standard procedure for extracting the chemical is to remove the mouse from her cage and hold her gently on aluminium foil while a colleague draws 10.3 μL of blood using a needle-syringe system. It is not understood if the chemical can be detected if the mouse is held on a non-aluminium surface.

Research is currently underway to determine if PSA or its production is related to the stress response. If it is determined to, it'll get published and a distinct study will be done to determine if it is part of the heat, light, water, salt, pH, oxidation, or psychological stress response, taking several decades and billions of dollars that can somehow be traced back to taxpayers. If not, it'll still get published, but only in an obscure Slovenian journal, and some other labs will do the same study.