Space is hard

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You know what? It's full of debris. It's all travelling at orbital velocity so you'd better be prepared to lose a limb or two (or maybe even grow some extra ones, if we're doing a throwback to the first season here). Isn't that what that Gravity film was all about? Y'know, Illuminati triangles and such. Still doesn't hold a candle against that giant scrap metal abomination floating around in the void. Mmmmm.

Necessary components of space travel[edit]

  • If you've got yourself a super groovy spaceship, keep your decks on the dash at all times.
  • Steal a hat from the failed magician down the street and some shades from Bootsy Collins. Also a stylin' cane from, uh, that guy from The Nutshack. Leave your hair ungroomed, though. You've been keeping this style up for the past five years.
  • Make sure outer space is easily accessible from the drive-in. Can't be left hanging during the intermission, can we?
  • Sing a P-funk song about it. (George Clinton would be proud.)
  • Drive your bus into the sun. It's what your next-door neighbour back home would have wanted.

Things to avoid[edit]

  • Avoid things that aren't garbage. Like planets and such. Who needs 'em?
  • Avoid doing things for the benefit of other people. Everyone knows the main reason you're collecting cosmic debris is so you can fill your house back on Earth with useless crap you don't need, and then mail it to other people once it starts to take up too much room in your already cluttered house. Since when were you doing this to keep astronauts safe?
  • If others on the mission turn out to not be astronauts after all and are, in fact, participants on The Amazing Race, keep away from them like the plague.
  • Don't start another season, because by this point you've already gone too far. Alien space pirates? Are you kidding? Next!
  • Try to refrain from giving a defunct satellite to your Germanese neighbour as a birthday present. Although since you both share the same birthday you could always give it to yourself if he doesn't like it. Here's to the mess (oh yes).
Deleted scenes

Castle Quest vol. 34Cosmic trashParachuting without a parachutePoint me in the right directionSpace ducksSpider telegramString cheeseThe eminent dangers of dance