I will get you…

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The yearbook photo of Captain Anonymous.
  To be confused with Anonymous.  

I am the one who lurks in the shadows. I am the one who writes the great works of art usually credited to "Anonymous." I am the most secret person in the world. No one knows my name. No one will ever know my name. I don't even know my own name. I am... Captain Anonymous.

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“No one knows this guy's name.”

~ Captain Obvious on Captain Anonymous

“Indeed, Captain Obvious.”

~ Captain Anonymous on what Captain Obvious just said

“He seems pretty anonymous.”

~ Captain Understatement on Captain Anonymous

That's an understatement.

~Captain Obvious on what Captain Understatement just said


Indeed again, Captain Obvious.

~Captain Anonymous on what Captain Obvious just said about what Captain Understatement said about Captain Anonymous


Some random stuff[edit]

While it was believed for a long time that Captain Anonymous is a rip-off of the already known Captain Subliminal and is so definitely NOT the best, they have been proved wrong when Anonymous murdered Subliminal in a fight to the death. Since then, people have blamed the "Jack the Ripper" murders on him and said he also killed Hitler. The latter statement is true, because Hitler still hovers over Anonymous's bed saying that he will rule the world someday!!! In the meantime, however, he currently owns "Icanhascheezburger.com" and is the only one in the world who thinks that FЯED is just cool. He wishes he was in the bible, under Armaments, 3:1-3:9,000 right after the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch and is SO NOT, NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK in the PTA because it is for n00bs.

Who is he, anyway?[edit]

The Facebook profile pic of Captain Anonymous.

Nobody knows, stupid. That's exactly what Captains Obvious and Understatement just said. So could you please just shut up? I mean seriously. Who would ever ask such a stupid question? (Maybe Al Jaffee, because after all, he is the writer of Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions... but I digress.) You are all idiots.


OMG! This just in! Captain Anonymous has been hypnotized to reveal his true name!

AND HIS NAME IS: WHO THE HELL KNOWS!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

People who know who he is[edit]

Some people, such as his wife, his kids, a dead guy, nobody, and over 9,000 people he met on Facebook know who he is. Here is the complete list:

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Some random stuff[edit]

While it was believed for a long time that Captain Anonymous is a rip-off of the already known Captain Subliminal and is so definitely NOT the best, they have been proved wrong when Anonymous murdered Subliminal in a fight to the death. Since then, people have blamed the "Jack the Ripper" murders on him and said he also killed Hitler. The latter statement is true, because Hitler still hovers over Anonymous's bed saying that he will rule the world...

someday...

HOLY CRAP THERE IS ALREADY A SECTION FOR SOME RANDOM STUFF!!! ohmigod i need to stop smoking so much crack.

Here is a list of suspects on his real identity[edit]

Of course, nobody cares who he is anyway.

Allies[edit]

Enemies[edit]

CAPTAIN ANONYMOUS WAS HERE