Vandalpedia:New And Improved

All the stuff on this page has been found in the Vandalpedia sections on the front page at some point in 2010 and 2011.

Fish man carrying pine cone and bucket predated the invention of Romano cheese. The history begins at the beginning, where all good beginnings begin. And at the beginning, it was all screwed up and wonky. Like when you look through those yellow opaque screwdriver handles your dad used to have, until Uncle Vanya came to town.

Reince Priebus and Regis Philbin will run in 2012 for President and Vice-president of the United States, respectively, as independents. They are backed by the Party of the People With Funny Names. This I believe with all my heart. Amen.

What are you looking at, meatface?

After bats eat your legs, your face will be packaged for sale.

ATTENTION ALL CITIZENS

It has come to our attention that there is a big, fat yak on the loose. Please remain calm. Safety precautions are in effect. Repeat: please remain calm. Safety precautions are in effect.
Or else you'll get crushed by a large yak.

SKATTEFRITAGELSE!

Another reason to buy early is that the lines fill up quickly with knights covered in ranch dressing. Figure 1 shows three Scientology students eating special yogurt made from hemp. Leonardo daVinci went to school with the twins starting in second grade, formerly quitted for temporary finance. Indignant munchers gathered in Libya to stop stealing water from Adam West and Luke Perry. Wisconsin giblet-mongers appeared before the judiciary BECAUSE YOUR REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS ARE IN DANGER. A quick application of greasy things and pressure where appropriate could cause certain Libertarians to pop up out of the ground like electrified voles.

Martin Heidegger is now selling Being & Time action playset.

Goom java!

They were itchy, and driving me crazy! Programmable calculators were the first in a long line of bulgur-based plastics and cement products.

"...with their crinkled hands..." is the pass-phrase for access to high-level claptrap and jibber-jabber. Sporting a handlebar mustache, a tutu, cowboy hat, a gas mask, and covered in Wesson Oil, the masticating uvulaic picnicker worked his way down the steep apple covered embankment towards the ultimate goal of his quest; a floating pastrami sandwich.

thrub

Dimmy BeBop and the Shit Twisters began that nights set as always; a house vodka and a Chivas back. Freddie was fiddling with his machine heads, as usual, knowing that crooked old bass would never tune proper. Cassie dragged deeply from a joint of what tasted like Kind bud. "Rosins up the vocal chords", she likes to say. Only she pronounced it, "Cads", like they say in New England. Punkie smelled of olives, cheese, and deer urine, his cologne du jour. Rounding out at the moment was Gaston Pilchard, a bone fide New Orleans jazz trumpeter, supposedly, but certainly witnessed to be a gifted guitarist. That was beyond dispute.

They put baking powder in their hair and scream at trees.

Suddenly, bananas!

DROP THAT OVERSIZED STONE MARSHMALLOW!! before I turn you into a thin person

The prenuptial agreement stipulates that all recordings of apes pissing into their own mouths, be they BetaMax, VHS, DVD or any other hard or stored encrypted form of data storage, both existent or yet to be invented, will be donated to the Holocaust Museum as a practical joke. A very horrible, practical joke.

Illogicopedia's admins are at your beck and call.

Eating raw chicken has been shown to increase the spleenic kaizum of Americans. Other than fulfilling a need for a clicking sound in your ears, there is nothing wrong with you.

Dingle and Flargen came by this morning, and asked me to say "hi", so, hi. This time more trees were on fire, forcing the golf game indoors. Rentals were up for hydrofoils this month.

"Bloody 'ell, did something crawl up your arse and die George?"

Cold weather and freezing conditions be praised! Snow is all powerful! Hail hail! Also, WHORAGE. Apricot penis. Is this Tower Gateway? Johnny? Johnny?

Glarb glrab grlarb GLARB GLARB glarb. Blrag blarg glarg.

I could put an L on the mainpage.

Oh, sweet little beastie.

Why do gnaw so, upon my intestines?

I only wanted to pet you.

DAS UND DAS UND!!! She lives by the Potomac,
Her name is palindromic.

They drank lemon juice,

She and the Batmoose...

Ah! There's a bug in my ear!

"...so I said to the fish, "don't be koi with me, ya smelly.""

Yes but I would of preferred a beef burgler

I consulted the madness. It told me, "But after the river of time washes away the memories, I see my works much as you do - as being exactly as I must have intended them to be."

Oh, there were rats. Indeed, more rats than you might see in a lifetime. And rat food. And rat shit! Jesus, the rat shit! We were like canaries in a coal mine, forging ahead on the bleeding edge of whatever serves the state best. Oh, I didn't tell you about the state? Or more properly, The State.

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F, reconnoiter the immediate area for insurgent activity and stand by... stand by... ...

We chased down a feral pig two weeks ago for Thanksgiving. Our Sikh neighbors weren't all that pleased with the sounds of its death throes. Synthesis.

Well, I love to eat the Big Mac! BEEF! BIG MAC, MACKY MAC! BIG MAC BIG MAC IS HERE! I wanna Big Mac and so do you! So, if you want to eat it, you do too! I love to eat the Mac, so let's eat this crap! Big Mac, Macky Mac. Big Mac, Big Mac is here! It's got taste, it's got grease, I love it, it's delicious. It clogs the arteries and stops the heart. Now, I gotta start! Woo! Big Mac, Macky Mac! Big Mac, Big Mac is here! I weigh 330 pounds, I'm so fat! Even though my feet are flat! I wanna eat my Big Mac, so let's stop that! BIG MAC, MACKY MAC! BIG MAC BIG MAC IS HERE! BIG MAC, MACKY MAC! BIG MAC BIG MAC IS HERE! WOOO! CHAMONE!

Salad forks, salad forks always with the fucking salad forks! They all hope you die. Just go ahead and die, why don't you? Huh? Why not?

If I grew a beard, would it make a suitable fingernail scrubber?

This will depend on the coarseness of the beard in question. Have you thought to just chew them down to nubs?

You make me love you love you yeah, with a little ELP from my friends!!

I once bought a guitar made of a butter tub and elastic bands for one million sugar grains. It was my most favourite instrument ever. Beats the crap Fender come out with. I wouldn't brush my granny's hair with that tosh!

Gok One: "And were done here! Now, what do you make of your new body?"

Jane: "I prefer my old one"

Gok One: "Well tough turkey twizzlers, 'cause you're stuck with this one for the rest of your life! Unless you go through a very lengthy, painful and terribly awful ordeal"

Jane: "What do I have to do?"

Gok One: "It's simple... kill the Batman"

Jane: "OH NO! IT'S THE KOMEDIAN!"

Komedian: "HAHAHAHA! You may die now!"

Jane: "Wha-wait. You're Liquid now?"

Liquid: "Admit it, Snake. I'm the better one!"

Snake: "Actually, now that you mention it... Dad did like to shoot at me while I was driving on my bike"

Liquid: "That's nothing. He used to floss with my nappies. Then I had to wear them. You have no idea how disgusting that was"

“Ain't talking about Fontana. Ain't talking about potato-headed Bombay. Talking about the Illinois Enema Bandit!”

~ Ray White on assistant to the Illinois Enema Bandit

Jesus taught his evil minions with interpretive dance, and getting them hammered on Mogen David 20/20, a vile and questionably Kosher wine-like substance. He's coming back as Predator. There will be a podcast.

I was warned. I read Blankey, and the threat was spelled out for us all, there, in the article, in black and white. It's like death and taxes; you never think it might happen to you. Today. my blankey rose up against its master.

Its eyes were on fire, legs akimbo, as I watched, frozen, unable to move. Static electric fingers shot out as if blankey willed it so. And the teeth! They were close, and acrid, brutal and yellowed from blood and hair asundered from former owners.

The prophet spake true. It was only the skills of two towelies that saved us from observing Ramadan.

<blink>This is annoying.</blink>

I found a lump on my toe today. It had me a little concerned. I mean, there was this lump on my toe, you know? That's not supposed to happen, right? See, it was all lumpy and weird and on my toe, so you know what? I panicked. Went and investigated this lump on my toe.

Turned out it was actually just the bone jutting out a bit. Toes don't have much flesh to them.

^^ The same thing happened to me. I was just feeling my ear up like I do every Sunday.... and I found a lump in my lobe. 'Bout the size of a small pea. I picked at it a while, till I broke the skin and started to bleed. The wound healed, but the lump remained under the skin. Turned out it was cancerous, so I had to get my ear amputated. And that's why I am a man with no ankles.

Greetings from the universe of sentient poop, where the joy of persimians removes all thought of hastening. Camelids and eyelids have lids in common. Redeem yourself before the gooch of gnarl, else face the peril of comatose holiday spirit. You have been warned.

EVUL! IT'S TEH MAJIC! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM<<WRfeioioggriogriirioioiogrroirio!~

---

||= _/00 |? 1337, _/00 1`/|< |>3|\||535 (and blarp)

Type your translation here: No, not here, over there on that piece of paper. Then throw it in a bucket of water.

THE THING IS, I'VE GOT THIS PROBLEM SEE? EVERY TIME I SPEAK, WORDS COME OUT. And that's the reason I'm sitting in this mental institution, Billy Boy.

Yippie-ky hey, muppet chucker!

FKArhnerE E qR QRqr wT AWET awR WrA Wet AWetewr FSAEF asEFWaTF waegAwetgaW::::::::::::::::::::::::E gARS gAErg AergERA ARg ARg ARg AEg AERg ASRG REghrehg RAEyhWERJWKLA, rf/; W awERt ERty AREt AERGY ERG er gER RA AETG eG yeary gerG A Aerg drgh trhUYTS herTY erser yera aerT Aert er ar aertg Aery qen m

oxygen saturation test

8=====D

I think my words speak for themself.

You're disgusting.

Like a hotdog in a bun made of dog turd.

Case in point. >.<

Make a million in a second! Rob a millionaire.

Excerpt from a Christian text comic book.

Tremble, you blasphemers and heretics, for your batteries are low, and Jesus is gonna kick your ass! Go ahead, run if you like. Gather up all your flexible intent, your wrinkly gee-gaws and petrified relatives. Put them in a sack, and run for the hills. You won't get far. Carl Palladino has pictures of you, doing... things... to his horse.

L

What the L is that? ------->

AN L.

Oooo, vandalism... I tried vandalising something, once. It was horrible. I had this lovely idea, embedded stuffs in embedded stuffs... whoever checks signatures, right? But it failed. It failed so utterly.

The vandalism itself succeeded, mind. I just couldn't get around it any more than anyone else could... and now I'm stuck with a userpage template that's impossible to edit without manually entering the urls for it...

Vandalism is hard. Don't denigrate it, people. It takes skill to do it right.

True dat. Banned from Wikipedia 5 times. Never blanked a page or put jibber jabber. Doing vandalism right is making the stuck-up admin chuckle before banning... at least that's the way I see it. --T3 15:38, 26 Serpeniver 2010 (UTC)

But you do know how? How? Could you, by any chance, teach me? ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) • (stalk) -- 20100926 - 19:27 (UTC)

Join us again for Vandalism Weekly, with me, Johnny Bumfarts, next week.

It has come to my attention that recent comments in the vandalism section have become rather highbrow. All I have to say to this is flugnoflarbex. Ma *hah*!

MEDICAL ALERT High fructose corn syrup will now be used in lieu of altitude sickness. Climb the port magenta for a Taoist interpretation of your X-rays.

Chiropractors please come around back to collect your money, and remember; if you killed your patient, you won't get paid.

Self-proclaimed Messiahs need to make an appointment. Please have all your blood work, rejection by the popular masses, holy scriptures and dietary laws (if any) registered with the nurse out front who looks like Margaret Thatcher.

Drug-seeking potty-mouthed narcissists and bestiality enthusiasts may apply for work, but will not be seen by medical staff under any circumstances.

The following message is brought to you by the Mickey Mouse Corporation.

Typical liberal lies. Scooby Doo couldn't lead his way outside a ham and DVD player sandwich. The Esteemed Donald Duck is the only good candidate in this election.

Message ends.

Is this thing on?

Vote Scooby Doo. Or Donald Duck. They're both equally qualified. Blarg.

DPL can kiss my expertly polished buttocks :(

I promise that each and every one of you will eat my shorts or else!!!!!!!!!!! OH YEAHH!

If a worm is to a crow what a crow is to a worm, then can't we all play Guitar Hero on difficult?

Wut TuW Wut TuW Wut TuW Wut TuW Ladies and gentlemen, please stand for the national anthem of Argentina.

Deutschland, Deutschland uber alles!

HOLYSHIT HOLYSHIT ITS BATSPIDERPIGDUCKRANDOMFATPERSONUGLYMAN! HE'S TRYING TO EAT MY CHEESE!!!

Tell me something to write here, now. What, you want me to write 'shut the folk up?'

Finds and exterminates George Formby

MEGAPHART BONAPARTE.

SOLIKE, I can spam here or some shit? Sounds good. This so then marks the beginning of one of the many marks that I WILL make in this website!!1Attheshows! 06:35, 27 Arply 2011 (UTC) The marks I make might not be significant though. ._.

GOODNIGHT SPAM PAGE!!

Una peni.