Basilisk Battologist
I need a funny animal. Uh... hm. Hm. OK, got it. Jesus Christ lizard. The Common Basilisk (Basiliscus basiliscus). Jesus Christ, did you see that lizard? The Jesus Christ lizard? The lizard that runs across water? The Jesus Christ lizard? It's a damned lizard, for the love of Christ! Jesus, it's a lizard! It runs over water, that's why they call it the Jesus Christ lizard, for the love of Jesus and all the bald-headed saints! Je-sus!
- At this point, the author is heavily invested on things herpetic, and things sacred and profane. Once committed to this unsavoury path, like Genghis Khan, he must kill or subdue all challengers.
Rats, too. Big rats, the kind that bite and claw you good! If they bite your hand, you have to do like this girl I know and take a hammer to it's head. Wham! Then it lets go. Otherwise, it just hangs on for dear life, like, the key to a preferred ratty afterlife is to hang on until dead or severely, severely unconscious. Then that pervert was drilling holes in the walls to watch her exercise. She killed him in her mind with a belt sander, and again in real life with telekinetic powers driven by a personality disorder (self-diagnosed).
Pristine wooly mountain monkeys began to gather at the edge of the springs, curious about the source of smarm cheeses. They looked about nervously, like an inexperienced piggie awaiting the fulfillment of circling car salesman predation.