Nervous breakdown
Ooh....it's coming, I can feel it! THE AGONY!!! I'm breaking down, my internal organs are bleeding!
IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!
No wait, the other guy's, ya. Yegsaxly.
So anyway, are you having a nervous breakdown? 'Cause when I'm having one, it feels like I'm having one, and I don't like feeling. It hurts, and it uses up too much effort.
Do you KNOW how much Effort costs?
Five pounds.
Symptoms of nervous breakdowns[edit | edit source]
- Subconscious flinching
- Trembling
- Slight dizziness
- Feelings of dread and terror
- Sensing an oncoming apocalypse, or otherwise oncoming death
- Excessive alliteration (if you get to be in another season)
- Fainting
- Fainting on someone's freshly cleaned floor
- Nervous dancing
- Imagine spots at random intervals
- Stuttering and constant 'no's
- Stuttering and constant nose
First aid[edit | edit source]
If a nearby person has fainted, with or without freshly cleaned floors, as a result of a nervous breakdown, administer public transport and begin warming a bowl of noodle soup for the next five minutes. It the casualty remains unresponsive, it is imperative whilst preparing the noodle soup to reach for a wooden spoon!
In the rare case that issuing the wooden spoon! elicits no reaction, resort to removing the subject's glasses, as this will inhibit them from seeing scary things. Nobody ever mentioned whether or not these things were all in their mind, though. ooooooo.
Situations that are likely to cause nervous breakdowns[edit | edit source]
- Opening Frosty to page 84
- Eating bean sprouts that haven't been thoroughly washed
- Olives and other nasty things
- Warding off spiders
- Examining tweezers
- Having a splinter taken out with such tweezers
- Rocking the seat in the Ferris wheel
- Pretty much everything, if you're already a nervous person
Testimonials from REAL nervous people[edit | edit source]
once i had a nerve ending break, if that counts for anything. —rms talk 00:56, 15 Ditzimber 2010 (UTC)
I edited here once while I was having a nervous breakdown. Nobody could tell the difference. 50.135.255.141 01:23, 19 Jumbly 2013 (UTC)
I knew a guy who was permanently nervous. It caused hallucinations. -That. Was. AWESOME! (talk) 02:40, 27 Ditzimber 2013 (UTC)