Ethnicity

(Redirected from Race)
Straight hair, white teeth, and a custom-tailored suit—this tanned, toned gentleman expertly wields the trifecta of tools necessary for success in white-dominated society.
Meanwhile, this worthless collection of Gypsies and hippes will never know the joy of a six-figure income, luxury box seats, or a BMW with a model number beginning with a digit greater than 3.

Ethnicity is the state or quality of being non-white, or as social scientists say, Caucasianally challenged. In addition to being stricken with an unnecessary abundance of pigment, individuals afflicted with ethnicity often have cultural, linguistic, religious, and behavioural aspects that differ significantly from those of regular white people.

Statistically, ethnicity has been linked with an overall lower quality of life, though no-one has gone on public record to proclaim any causal effect here—presumably to avoid being labeled a racist eugenic son of a bitch, then chased down by an unruly mob and forcibly castrated using commonly available automotive repair tools, before being crucified and burned after being duct-taped to the golden arches of a nearby McDonalds.

The emerging field of ethnography is doing some investigative work to better understand ethnicity, but as far as anyone can tell, it's just another made-up pseudo-scientific discipline founded, taught, and attended by people who were dumb to make it into medical school.

Causes

Ethnicity has a presumed biological component, primarily propagating by way of sexual transmission. However, some theories also speculate that the condition may spread equally virulently by social learning or certain types of food. In particular, it was found that Cherry Blossoms, Anastasia Dates, and Russian Sweets were predominantly potent in causing severe outbreaks across the Continental United States.

Clearly, more research is needed but controlled laboratory experiments are not possible at this time, given current cultural mores and ethical review boards prohibiting the live capture and forceable confinement of human subjects. It is hoped that as popular opinion sways towards more invasive studies of human reproduction, that homeless people and prostitutes of various racial profiles may be rounded up in large trucks, sequestered in abandoned warehouses, and compelled to mate with various partners for fear of being electrocuted with cattle prods. This direct and managed approach, free of any of the irritating restrictions imposed by regard for human dignity and freedom of choice, will provide the kind of real data that medical science requires to understand this strange phenomenon.

Symptoms

These nuns, the Sisters of the Immaculate Castration from Newark, New Jersey, epitomize the human ideal—racial purity, belief in the one true God, and a thirst for mastery of the evolving world that surrounds them.
While elsewhere in America religious wingnut mongrels like these concoct abominations like free software and shoe bombs.

Please note that the following section endeavours (unsuccessfully) to be an exhaustive list of possible symptoms, unlikely to be possessed by a single person. Should you meet a person with all the criteria below, please notify police immediately.

Biological

• A generally strange, unique or "exotic" appearance.
• Abnormal hair texture.
• Increased risk of rare diseases or conditions like Sickle Cell Anemia, Feng Shui, or breakdancing.
• Diminished capacity for intellectual development, as evidenced by low scores on "standardized" IQ tests.
• Allergic reaction to basic hygiene, gainful employment, or marital fidelity.

Cultural

• Strong preference for odd music and weird food.
• Questionable fashion choices.
• Excessive modesty, or a complete lack of it.
• Belief that certain household pets are viable food sources, or that certain food sources should be revered as sacred entities.
• Celebration of holidays that don't appear in the calendar.

Behavioural

• Acceptance of kissing and hugging between men as proper behaviour, even between normal heterosexual men.
• Increased likelihood to commit extremely serious minor crimes, like stealing food, necessitating long prison incarcerations at taxpayers' expense.
• Belief that social assistance payments are a basic human right, akin to the (illusion of) freedom of speech or even the (questionable) right to live.

Linguistic

• Unintelligible, seemly made-up strings of random vowels and consonants, clicks, or grunts.
• Heavily accented, mispronounced, and/or laborious delivery of English.
• Failure to comprehend or appropriately express common figures of speech.
• Exaggerated or excited manner of verbal presentation, the likes of which would never be seen from a television news anchorperson.
• Push for bilingualism, probably just as an excuse not to know English.

Religious

• Belief in something other than God, or belief in some made-up god.

Conclusion

It's been suggested that white people be added to the endangered species list along with the other lost and diminishing Great Whites: sharks, polar bears and golf balls. Already the newspapers and television channels are full of fatalists, crying out,"The Future Is Mocha! The Future Is Mocha!"

Actually, no... that may have been an advertisement for Starbucks rather than a statement on intermarriage.

But it is still postulated that segregation by way of government-protected rural species preserves or pretentiously-named urban gated communities might be the only hope to prevent the extinction of whites.

Robert Lee Moore (1882-1974), the noted racist mathematician perhaps expressed it best when he wrote:

${\displaystyle {\frac {(Humanity\div Segregation)+Endogamy}{Time}}=Happiness}$

Failing that, learned experts also recommend some more common sense approaches. As such, risky behaviours like hanging out at hip hop clubs and engaging in conversation with your taxi driver are strongly discouraged.