Tacoslavia
Tacoslavia is a country on the Atlantic Ocean. Its neighbors are Peru, Indonesia, and Uruguay. Tacoslavia's national flower is the daisy and it's national automobile is the Lamborghini. It's national dish is steamed eggplant.
Early History[edit | edit source]
Tacoslavia was founded in 1348, when a farmer named Ooljy Bjiondf decided that his outhouse deserved to be a country of its own. Thus, Tacoslavia started as a mere 20 square feet, but with the iron wills and unconquerable spirits of the Tacoslavic citizens, the country grew rapidly, conquering most of Russia in a little over a year.
On May 6th, 1457, Tacoslavia adopted Islam as it's national religion. On May 8th, 1457, they changed it back.
In early 1492, Tacoslavia hired Christopher Columbus as a hitman to kill the king of Europe, but instead of doing his job, he used the money to buy three ships and a bunch of monkey slaves and sailed for America, where he was eaten by the cannibalistic native Kentuckians. The Emperor of Takoslavia (peace be upon him) was not pleased by this, so he took the native Kentuckians who ate Christopher Columbus and burned their molecules apart with magick fyre.
Important Tacoslavics[edit | edit source]
Many important people have come from Tacoslavia. Here is a short list:
- Rube Goldberg
- Elon Musk
- Issac Newton
- Issac Newton's Wife
- Anita Sarkeesian
- Mitt Romney
- Chuck Norris
- Obama
- George Washington Carver
- Marvin The Martian
List of Emperors of Tacoslavia[edit | edit source]
There has only been one emperor of Tacoslavia. His name is The Emperor (peace be upon him) and he is a magical deity who burns people for fun. He really is a great guy if you get to know him.
Modern Technological Advances Attributed to Tacoslavia[edit | edit source]
Tacoslavia invented a number of things. Here is a list:
- Nuclear weapons
- The Hamburger
- The guillotine
- Macaroni
- Squash
- The Waterboard
- Bread
- The Spear
- Water
- The Gun
- Hentai
- DNA
As you can see, Tacoslavia has made some pretty important stuff. You should thank them.
Tacoslavic National Anthem[edit | edit source]
The Tacoslavic national anthem goes like this:
Tacoslavia!
We used to be
Just an outhouse
But now... (but now!)
We have our Emperor! (peace be upon him!)
We are now a strong and thankful country!
(So strong! OOH!)
We have a great infrastructure!
(Yeah, roads!)
Our living conditions are better than our neighbors!
(Yeah! That's what they say!)
We love our country!
(Why wouldn't we? Whoo!)
Taco, Taco
Tacoslavia!
The End of Tacoslavia[edit | edit source]
In 1869 (lol), someone snuffed out a candle. This candle happened to be the heart of The Emperor (peace be upon him), causing him to die in a massive explosion that blew the shit out of half of the earth and showered the other half in life giving, nutrient-rich soil. This explosion inadvertently killed all the dinosaurs. The humans, now free from their scaly oppressors, built a monument to remember the great sacrifice Tacoslavia made. This monument, which was just a small pile of rocks, was lost to the ages when someone tripped over it, sending it to the bottom of an endless pit that was later named the Grand Canyon. Tacos have nothing to do with Tacoslavia, so stop asking! Fuck you Mexicans, you made our once proud nation into a joke told amongst the proletarians!