The voice in your head... not that one, the other one

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So long as you don't get militant about it, the voices in your head shouldn't present much of a problem. Not that dangerous one, mine [1] you. That one can scar you for life. If you've read Dune, you'll know what I'm talking about.

No, this little traveling circus that you think of as "you", the conscious little bubble in the seething cauldron of your mind in it's entirety, must take care to avoid the contraindicated archetypes. Those are in your chart, we can go over that later. The operative notion here, at this point is "carp diem", or seize the goldfish. Sure, you can do up a nice salt water tank, but that can be a very expensive project. I'd recommend that you get some experience with fresh water fish, maybe some nice tetras, something easy to maintain.

The easiest way to determine if a voice in your head is evil is the Turing Test. In 1853, a Hindu guru named Alan Turing, a Captain James Tiberius Kirk impersonator (in drag), was accosted by a headmistress walking her Irish Wolfhound during a routine maintenance cycle of the house Babbage Engine of sorority Gamma Zeta Squirrel Monkey on campus at Oxford University. Engage the voice in conversation about fire. Demons love to burn things, and chances are, something in the area will appear to spontaneously combust.

uh, some things in your chart are a little... scary[edit]

OK, this thing here? Under "Spicy"? Mostly it's about that time we tried to rob a gas station by threatening to feel up the attendant using telekinesis. I appeared lucid when the police showed up, but you made a bad impression on the arresting officer. He got very upset when you licked his sleeve. Don't do that again [2]

Transubstantiation creates black hole[edit]

Have you ever waken up covered in cats? On the evening of the First Reckoning of the Third Stripe, the morning brought cats. Three, but it may as well have been nine. Laetoades was distracted, in a massage chair, so the smell of hairballs was not so bad as to grimble.

Why does your parachute smell terrible?[edit]

During the autumn months, Gordian Knot lackeys gathered on the village green, set up a "works", rounded up herds of beavers and milked them for cheese. Other than the usual chili banter, the mood is quirky and febrile. Surrounding the cheese works are a bothersome crowd of lollygaggers, bumming cigarettes and complaining about New England weather. The oft-repeated sintrile, "If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes", refering to the American northeast in this case, but often grafted locally among the entire population of temperate countries, is easily inserted into a rather long run-on sentences, rife with commas, words, quotation marks, other things I can't put my finger on just now, and even the occasional parentheses (not to say that parentheses are wasted wantonly in this case, despite what the jerks that hang around in the parking lot of Frank and Ernie's Mongolian Barbecue and Cigar Bar say about people's moms), might be said to be a cheesy excuse to keep blathering about nothing special (or even to create a trigger for Dutch sleeper cells in Florida, assigned to bombard Hollywood with submissions for sitcoms starring Tom Cruise), but I'll have you know that I personally often compose such long-winded, single sentence soliloquys (I certainly do not claim to be able to speak them aloud without taking a couple, three breaths or so), sometimes to amuse myself, sometimes to confound a special someone on holidays, and yet, I find that as I age, others age similarly, as though there were some sort of connection between, for instance, this and that, or perhaps lest abstractly, a person and another person, even extending to large groups of people... wow, I think I just proved the existence of God!

Far out, and such. We didn't expect that, for sure.


  1. OK, I know you're reverting back to your childhood, calling picking one's noes "mining for gold". Go ahead and get it out of your system. Don't allow the substitution of "mine" for "mind" distract you from the very important information being presentated in this here article. I mean, panda pandering isn't even a thing, you know?
  2. If you do, I'll tell your mom.

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