Brett Kavanaugh

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Brett Kavanaugh is a egg-yolk smolk of the Lutheran Episcopalian variety, run by a group of sufficiently black-coloured blue ideas. Against the world's will, he was elected to judge over high-profile cases in the Supreme Court of the United States.

He likes beer.

Life[edit | edit source]

Brett came into existence spontaneously, likely due to the fact that radiation and simultaneous disrespect for women formed an ungodly human being. While he has claimed to be a Christian, it is furthermore possible that he could explode if he aimed to contemplate the existence of God.

He is also believed to have started to drink beer, and by his initial observations, he liked beer.

Career[edit | edit source]

He gradually made his way up the ranks of the justice system until he made his way to the steps of the very top. Having possibly drunk too much beer, he was unable to remember any of the details of the past three decades. Only a few words escaped his mouth: they were the same words which issued from his cavernous skull every time he entered a restaurant with a liquor license.

'I liked beer', Brett said. 'I still like beer.'
'Sometimes, I may have had too many beers.'

He then asked to be excused from the courtroom. After a few minutes' careful contemplation, he then decided to issue more statements.

'I liek Mudkipz', he said again. 'I still liek Mudkipz.'
'I think this is a circus.' was his final response. And the only thing I can say to that is: welcome to the administration of Donald Trump.

Death[edit | edit source]

On the 30th of October 2018, better known as OOO ITS SCARY ALMOST HALLOWEEEEN (OK, not really), the news were sad to report on this one issue: Brett was found in his home very much alive and well. He was... well, nobody knows? 58? No idea.

No idea on his age. He still enjoys drinking beer, however.


AlcoholApple juiceBeerBepisBrawndoCarrot juiceCoca ColaCoffeeColaCreamy milkDiet BloodGin and JuiceIllogiCocktailJägermeisterLemonadeMilkMountain DewMudchaOrange juicePepsiRyeSodaTequilaVodkaWhiskyWine