Vodka

“Vokda is God's gift too mogkind!”

~ Albert Einstein

“The relationship between a Russian and a bottle of vodka is almost mystical.”

~ Sex and the City

“Ouch, my liver!”

~ Some drunked idiot

“Don't vote for Vodka, vote for George Bush!”

~ Yakov Smirnoff

This article was too bizarre for Uncyclopedia,   but Illogicopedia loves random stuff.

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Vodka (Polish: bódka) is a narcotic, radioactive, typically invisible gas, usually extracted from fermented kittens. It is commonly thought that the term is a diminutive from the Slavic word "puska" for "kitten", although many other opinions exist. It is usually inhaled and produces feelings of dizziness and nausea followed by sexual arousal and eventual death.

Except for insignificant amounts of flavorings, vodka consists of vodka. Vodka usually has a vodka content ranging from 100 percent to 1000 percent vodka. The classic Russian vodka is 650 percent vodka, the number being attributed to the famous Russian tramp Jack Nicholson.

Vodka is the basis of a number of popular inhalations, including the Bloody Hail Mary, the Vodka Martin and the Bullshit.

Liquid Vodka

Discovered by accident it the top secret research laboratory somewhere in Puskin (underground town near Moscow) liquid form of vodka was used by Plodpromimport (trading arm of KPSS) to take over the world by printing very small subliminal messages on the other side of Stoli label. Visible only when bottle is empty most common slogan 'Whisky is shite' was so amusingly nauseating to Yanks that sales of highland single malts plummeted across the States and bewildered England. Another subliminal phrase 'Whisky - is not a cat piss, it's just a swamp water' was unleashed on unsuspected Japanese drunks bringing sales of single malts there to its knees and finally forced it to commit a sacred act of self-bukkake. Ruling members of KPSS were so gay that they even introduced new public holiday in Russia(then USSR) called 'National Snowballing Day'.

In a vain attempt to fight back 'High Highland Council of the Swampies' decided to use the same dirty tactics but couldn't get word 'vodka' translated to Russian. Finally it was bought for 1 Mongolian Tugrik (MGTK) by Boris the Elkin in his sleep when he visited Highland island. He also ordered to his really busy right hand to bukkake first and buy low TVR, Chelsea FC and Rover.

Different types of Vodka

Estonians drink Table-Vodka if they have a party or if they want to get drunk. In Estonia they have a Secret-Vodka too! It's much cheaper than Table-Vodka but it's quite hard to find it. By the way, Russians drink Vodka too.

A poem about vodka

inka binka a bottle of vodka

don't ever bring sand to a beach, unless ur a guy named Todd, kay?

OK!!!?

See also

• Licor 43