I hate purple gifts

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Hey, I was sleeping on Christmas Eve when exactly at 11:00 sharp I heard a boom downstairs. I took out a SMG and quietly crept downstairs. I went to my family room and I saw a big jolly old man next to the fireplace drinking cookies and eating milk. He also had a buncha boxes which I was too busy to identify. So I pointed my SMG at the man. He turned around and noticed me. Dangit, this was Santa Claus those kids worship like madness. So I quickly ducked behind the couch and peeked my head out. He turned back. So I quickly and quietly crept on the floor and then I tripped because my socks were untied. He turn around again and I ran to the other side of the wall and remained flat on it. The wall broke and I fell back, which was a wall next to the basement's staircase. I was tumbling down the stairs and decided to hide. Santa went downstairs and I was lucky he didn't notice me. I silentley crept upstairs through the wall and crawled upstairs and slid into bed.

I heard the same noise at 4:00 AM. SMG in hand, I went downstairs again, the man was gone. The man was gone!!!!!! WHOOP DE FRICKIN' DOO!!!!!!! I went backwards and fell into a tummy of what I thought was a sumo wrestler. He had a red suit and he looked exactly like Santa Claus. "ROBBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT ART THOU DOING IN THY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!" I cried. I pointed my SMG at him, ready to shoot. "WHAT IS IN THAT BIG BAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"z "Ho ho ho! Those are toys for the children. I am just finished wrapping the gifts that is under the tree. I ain't no robber! My reindeer is frozen outside. I better hurry back up! Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!" the guy said. I am an idiot and I just realized that was Santa Claus. I wondered what his sleigh looked like so I hopped in his big potato sack. "Ho ho ho! This is heavier than before!" Santa Claus said. He flew up the chimney. Wow! This is what it feels like! I thought to myself. Luckily I just realized I had my SMG in hand. YEAH!

Santa dragged the bag into the sleigh and sat next to it, put some sort of seatbelt on and flew. I loved the feel. I needed to experience the look. I used my SMG in silent mode to shoot two medium holes for my eyes to see through. I loved the look and the feel. Gnarly experience.

The bag was warm. I was riding for hours here. Santa stopped in a street and opened up my bag. "Ho ho ho! Look who crept in my bag!" Santa said. "What a great surprise! Man, you made me laugh at your thing tonight. I loved it!" Santa said. "Take a ride with me! I need to get another bag from the north pole to deliver more gifts!" I knew everything possible in horseback riding so I decided to do Reindeer Riding. I got on a reindeer and Santa started flying.

I flew for the rest of the night and got two cosy hours of sleep. I ran downstairs to look at the presents. And I didn't like the presents. Because they were wrappt in honey smelling purple rapping paper.

"AAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I said. I opened the presents and they were sprayed with honey perfume. DANG YOU DOG!

At least they were cool presents, iPhone, iPod Nano, Wii, blue ray player, Playstation three and a plasma TV. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT THEY WERE PURPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Santa came to my house and said, "You have been sorta naughty. I know this is torture. By the way, look at the stocking."

WTF PURPLE HONEY FLAVOR CANDY CANES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I took out my SMG and killed that man.

Oh my god.

See also[edit | edit source]

Colours - Colors - Coolers